POLL: Does Australia Need A Climate Commissar?


The Australia is running a poll: Is Tim Flannery the right person to be Australia’s climate commissioner?

They assume that Australia needs a “Climate Commissioner” in the first place.

We encourage readers to vote early and often.

Ref: See this, this, this and this via Mean Ol’ Meany Tim Blair for background.

So it went down like this


Believe it not but I’m pretty connected, and as such was having a chat with Gemma Arterton about what she thinks about Sarah Palin running for president.

Gemma was nude but for an Australian flag wrapped around her lithe bod and a low fat vegan rye bread sandwich in her hand.

But that’s what you get a few minutes after someone like the bingster pulls up to the lights in his Peugot 907, sees her having a giggle with Danica Patrick, and invites her (er, Gemma) for a ride having promised she could pat my pet koala army.

Anyway, believe it or not, knowing I wasn’t playing funny dogs, she just went harpy eagle over her disdain for Michelle Obama. Said she loved the Obama Countdown Clock!

Even though my hand was begging to be a Brazilian Wandering Spider, I figured doing a Steve Urkel just for a bit would get her puffin a lot more in the long run… so long as that weird prick didn’t do some goatse crap or anything like that.

Sure, I’m a bit of an Australian spider, but I needed her to think I was more like Neil fucking Armstrong from the Apollo 11 rather than anything else.

Anyway, managed to swing it, and as it turns out, the liberal Gemma is quite the fan of the idea of “Sarah Palin bikini”.

I guess with a figure like that, and seated next to a Right dork replete in his mankini, one can’t exactly drool-think “donuts”.

Fair enough.

And Gemma thought the same.

Within minutes she was on the phone to Danica Patrick AND Mieke Buchan AND Kristiana Loken, and well folks, I was at the supermarket (and one that still has checkout chicks btw… like IGA) of beautiful women!

And it would have been a beautiful ending right there, but then Ann Coulter called. Whipped me right into line.

Oh, God! The shame!

How could a wholesome Righty even THINK such things?!?!?

Metaphorically, I was bound and gagged.

My lawyers have advised me to repeat: “metaphorically”.

What were you looking for?


What are you looking for?

Recent search terms which have led people to this blog

gemma arterton, australian flag, goatse, ann coulter, australia map, mankini, australia, iga, danica patrick, michelle obama, puffin, army, apollo 11, brazilian wandering spider, steve urkel, sandwich, kristanna loken, peugeot 907, australian spider, mieke buchan, obama countdown clock, koala, dogs, funny dogs, harpy eagle.

All someone needs to do now is compose a post which includes all of those terms, with maybe a “sarah palin nude” &/or “palin bikini” (two close runners-up) thrown in for added sparkle, and we’ll have the dream post everyone’s looking for.

Anyone game?

Interpretation Required


Trestle Bridge

Trestle Bridge

Anyone game to interpret this one from a white Aboriginal Hispanic feminist perspective?

Challenge Issued


This is the scene over Melbourne several weeks ago.

Melbourne Sky

I don’t suppose any of you are game enough to interpret the photograph from a feminist chauvinist post-modern traditionalist perspective?

An Alliance Worth Keeping


Republican Presidential candidate John McCain has written an excellent article examining the Australia-US alliance and puts forth a very convincing argument as to why the alliance should be kept.

An extract:

In the middle of 1908, Australians and Americans recognised immediately the kindred spirit of two rugged and energetic peoples separated by half the globe but united by shared hopes for mankind. That initial friendship would be forged into an inseparable bond through many struggles in the years to come. Ten years after the Great White Fleet left Sydney Harbour, American soldiers would serve under Australian general John Monash at the decisive Battle of Hamel on the Western Front. My father and grandfather would both serve side by side with the Royal Australian Navy in the Pacific theatre, turning back the Japanese tide and then building a post-war network of alliances that would usher in a new era of peace and prosperity in Asia.

He makes a solid argument for the continuation and deregulation of free trade, as well as the case for maintaining an alliance with Australia, and furthering relations with Asia. It’s an excellent article and well worth a read.

“Low-life Losers”: The Kind Way Of Putting It


In 2006, the G20 held a meeting here in Melbourne, and as one expects, we got protesters. These same protesters have now forced an important event to be cancelled.

November 11, the eleventh day of the eleventh month, is a day of Remembrance in Australia, formally known as Remembrance Day. It is taken quite seriously, as it should be, and in many schools, businesses and other areas, there is a minute silence held at the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, to remember our military heroes who have fallen. It’s a solemn, yet highly special, event.

The G20 protestors have now forced a Remembrance Day event to be cancelled.

Their perverse disrespect for the people who have made it possible for them to conduct themselves so poorly is absolutely revolting.

The Acting SA Premier, Mr. Kevin Foley, put it quite well. “These are feral, low-life people who want society to be in a state of near anarchy for their perverse pleasure. People who say they are anti-war, but who resort to violence and destruction to put their case are clearly dangerous.”

Low-life losers? I can think of better terms for them.

Kangaroos Run Amok


Ok, well, not really. These ones are trained to take school children to school every day, because in Australia, it’s cheaper to ride a kangaroo than it is to take a car. Most Australians don’t even own cars, that’s just propaganda we put out to make us seem as cool as the Americans.

Kangaroos Running Amok

Kangaroos Running Amok

I have a kangaroo. I call him Macky. He just ignores me most of the time.

Kangaroo transport isn’t as reliable as it sounds.

WA Goes To The Polls… And NSW Should


The great Australian State of Western Australia goes to the polls today to either re-elect the current Premier of Western Australia, Mr. Alan Carpenter, or to elect the Opposition into Government.

This election is going to be watched with close attention all across Australia, namely because it’s the first time that a Labor State Government may lose power in more than a decade. This election could result in a shift in political climate if the Liberals win, because they will now hold a position higher than Lord Mayor of Brisbane, the highest position held by a Liberal ever since the Liberals lost federal government in November last year.

The Greens are doing fairly well in the polls, but polls aren’t terribly reliable, and I’m taking the polls in WA with at least a jar of salt. The Greens stand against many of the activities that actually give WA money to run the State, such as mining and drilling, and WA is currently doing enough of both to not only run WA, but to subsidise the less-wealthy States such as Victoria and New South Wales.

WA is the only State wise enough to go to an election, although the only reason it’s going to an election this week is because the previous Liberal leader resigned, due to an overwhelming media campaign after he rather creepily sniffed womens’ seats after they’d gotten up. An election is a good idea, however WA isn’t the State I would have chosen the first election to have been in. I would have chosen NSW.

New South Wales would have been my first choice. I say this because NSW has a government allegedly entrenched in corruption, of which the Treasurer was yesterday fired, the Premier yesterday resigned, the Deputy Premier retires next Monday, and the Education Minister doesn’t look too clean either. All of this, and the NSW electorate doesn’t get to decide who will lead the State from now on, the Australian Labor Party (NSW Division) does, and it’s not looking like they have much to choose from. That’s not a fair and equitable democracy. Bring on an election!

Andrew Bolt, as usual, has a concise analysis.

The Dandenong Ranges


Baghdad Needs A Ferris Wheel!


Apparently.

It seems that Baghdad is stealing Melbourne’s idea of having a giant ferris wheel to see the sights of the city… which we stole from London.

Half of Melbourne is stolen from other cities!

Our main train station, Flinders Street Station (guess what street it’s on) was meant to be built in India, but some genius messed up the blueprints and neither they, nor their counterpart overseas, noticed until the building was half complete. *SNORT*

Flinders Street Station

Decision Made: Jaspan Gone


The Editor-In-Chief of Melbourne’s most socialist/green/left/moronic/but-I-repeat-myself newsrag, The Age has been fired. This is a promising sign, because it means that the falling circulation figures of The Age are sending a signal to the upper management about the declining quality of the rag. Even though they frequently lie about their figures.

The former Editor-In-Chief Andrew Jaspan has a pretty decent resume, but I think it’s fair to say that he has a very skewed view of the world.

When Australian man Douglas Wood was abducted in Iraq, where he was working towards rebuilding the nation, The Age went to an especial effort to make it clear that they believed he deserved to be abducted because “we took away these people’s lives and we didn’t have the right to.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Why would a so-called patriot do this?


Entrepreneur Dick Smith provided $50,000 to assist David Hicks’ family and help fund the legal battle to bring the terrorism supporter home.

Dick Smith is a man who supposedly supports Australia.

So why, albeit indirectly, support a man, namely David Hicks, who supported terrorism against the West, of which Australia is a part of?

Tony Abbott MP: Top Bloke


I have subscriptions to a whole bunch of varied and different email lists, and one of those is the email list of Tony Abbott MP, the former Australian Health Minister. And through reading much of what he writes, I’ve formulated the opinion “Tony Abbott is a top bloke, one I’d sit and have a drink with”.

Mr Abbott is a practising Catholic, and this often resulted in him getting loads of crap from the media, particularly in the debate over abortion drug RU486, and even more so in the weeks it was thought that he’d fathered a son out of wedlock, although later revelations found that the man wasn’t Mr. Abbott’s son. But now I’m getting sidetracked.

Tony Abbott, while still a member of Parliament, is actually out there doing something that will make a difference. Something pretty major. And now, I’ll copy the information from his email for you to read.

Read the rest of this entry »

Not That I’m Laughing


Something about this is just surreal. Although he’s not the only person in Australia to have this type of family history…

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s ancestors include petty criminals – one a street urchin sentenced to death for stealing a dress and underwear from another child, family researchers say.

Melbourne: Super Cool Reservoirs; Super Cool Bushland


My quokka and I went off on another mini-adventure today, and headed down to Melbourne’s Silvan Reservoir to see how full it’s looking. Silvan Reservoir is actually the reservoir that is responsible for cleaning and distributing water to the general public, and therefore rather important in the grand scheme of things.

And here’s how it’s looking:

Don’t you just want to dive in and go for a swim? Perfect!

Read the rest of this entry »

Lawyers Aren’t Always Bad


Years ago, in a house far, far away, I was undergoing a course which involved a module to do with the “Law of Evidence”, which involved learning about what types of evidence is acceptable in Courts in Victoria. We did an in-depth study of the case of Leith Ratten, a man from the very far North of Victoria who was convicted of shooting his eight-month-pregnant wife, causing her death.

Now, Leith Ratten may or may not have been guilty, because I’m certainly not convinced “beyond reasonable doubt”, and we all know what that means. Leith Ratten was apparently turning from facing left to facing right while holding a loaded rifle, and he was blind in his right eye. So yes, it could have been intentional, and it could have been an accident. And when he rang the Echuca telephone exchange (who were, and are now, in charge of connecting all phone calls) he said either “Police!” or an unheard (“Ambulance”) “Please!” Again, reasonable doubt springs up.

Add to it that Ratten was having an affair with a married woman at the time. Reasonable doubt all around, either way. Read the rest of this entry »

Melbourne Has Deformed Local Wildlife


Further to confusion about ducks, this is what a deformed duck looks like:

Duck spotted at Lake Aura Vale, Victoria.

Stupid AFL Suggestion


Ok, here’s the back story. The Australian Football League wants another two teams in the league to bring in more revenue and generate more support for the game, which is for the most part, based in Victoria with ten Victorian-based teams, two in WA, two in SA, one in Sydney, and one in Brisbane.

The interstate teams (WA, SA, NSW, QLD) have always had their successes on the field, and all teams involved have had some great talent. So Andrew Demetriou, the head of the AFL, is entertaining a proposal for a new team based in Sydney’s Western suburbs.

Now, this is amongst the stupidest ideas I’ve ever read. Demetriou is considering having a faith-based team. Yep, he wants to launch an Irish-based team, which would mostly consist of Protestants.

The problems I see with the proposal are these:

  1. Where does one find some Irish Protestants in Sydney’s western suburbs? It’s an area with a lot of people who believe in God, certainly, but they’re sure not Protestants.
  2. AFL is very much an equalized game. You leave your religion/politics/family heritage/whatever off the ground. On the ground, you play for your team. This idea would mean that now you bring those things onto the ground. Old rivalries will be brought back into the game, and those rivalries are stronger than Everyone vs Collingwood (as hard as that is to believe)…
  3. It sets a precedent. What can the AFL then do if there’s a team of Irish-Catholics who want to play, and then a team of Roman-Catholics, and then a team of Buddhists, a team of Muslims, a team of Pagans and so on down the line? If they’ve got the requisite number of players and the start-up cash, the AFL would have a lot of trouble saying no. Then it turns into a religious game.
  4. Australians don’t much care about other people’s religions, unless they’re attempting to kill us or force them on us. By turning the AFL into something faith-based, they’re ensuring that it makes it harder for the non-religious to give a crap about the game. And for many, their football team is their religion.

Enough is enough Demetriou. You’ve tried to push the “Super-Goal” idea and it failed. You’ve tried to overhaul the AFL Tribunal, and it’s failed for the most part. You’ve tried to discourage drugs from the game, but in paying 21-28 year olds well over $200,000 a year you’ve made that hard because what else are they going to spend their dough on?

But this, this is your stupidest idea yet, and I hope it backfires on you spectacularly. I do hope the HREOC (Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission) gets involved, because that would raise this from a farce to a comedy.

UPDATE: Further details have come to light, and the team will not be made up of Irish descendants currently playing AFL in Sydney’s western suburbs. It will be made up of a team of Irish players being brought in from Ireland to boost the game’s international appeal. That puts this in a very different light.

Time For Some Australiana


A song written to idolise Australia, “We Are Australian”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Blaming Barry

Iowahawk: Still An International Wonder


Iowahawk makes an appearance in Perth’s major newspaper.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

No3 in the mulgawatch saga.


The federal broadcaster still cant bring itself to moderate the mulga.

Surely they’d draw the line at a truther covering their slime with false sympathy for the brave men and women who were attempting rescues when the towers went down…wouldn’t they? Read the rest of this entry »

Lest We Forget


Today is ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, the day that commemorates the bravery and honour shown by the men who enlisted in the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps to fight in the Great War (World War I). It is a day of commemoration, a day to honour the military, a day to remember those who have been lost, and a day in which many take the opportunity to pay respect to the men who died to keep Australia free.

Brave Men, All, and so on this day we say to the memory of those men, their families, and those who survive them, Lest We Forget.

To further remember, enjoy this powerpoint (all files are the same, except for the inclusion of sound.)

ANZAC Day – With Sound

ANZAC Day – Without Sound

ANZAC Day – PDF Presentation

The ANZACs deserve our respect. To celebrate the Australian way, have a shot of rum in your coffee this morning.

Melbourne – Seriously, Really Cool Gardens


Melbourne has seriously cool gardens. The one above is just metres from St Kilda Road, one of the busiest roads leading into and out of the city. Yet it’s just so damn tranquil, and so beautiful.

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