LOS ANGELES—Sources within the Red Wings organization confirm that goalie Chris Osgood, who is currently engaged in accompanying the Stanley Cup on a victory tour of talk shows and publicity events, has repeatedly and insistently claimed to have gotten as far as third base with hockey’s championship trophy during the past week.
On Tuesday night Osgood, teammate Nicklas Lidstrom, and the Stanley Cup made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno during which Osgood was seen repeatedly touching and attempting to hold the Cup. Witnesses say that after the segment had taped, Lidstrom left for the airport, while Osgood and the Cup left together for the Four Seasons Hotel.
Housekeeping staff said Wednesday morning that the Cup’s room had not been slept in.
When asked for comment, Osgood himself initially refused to give details.
“Listen, it’s tradition for us to all kiss the Cup. But I’m not one of those hockey players who are always saying ‘I’m gonna fuck that Stanley Cup,'” Osgood told ESPN’s Jim Rome when asked about his involvement with the trophy on Wednesday’s Jim Rome Is Burning. “I mean, everyone dreams of winning the Cup, that’s only natural. But it’s not like that with me. Come on, man.”
The Tizona Group 
June 12, 2008, 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm
“The Goalie who Shagged Me” by Stanley Athletic Cup
October 14, 2009, 4:30 pm at 4:30 pm
Chris Osgood can’t have sex! His testicles haven’t descended yet.