In comments to our SwinishCapitalist’s post on local government, Angus Dei & Yojimbo had some definite ideas on what they will do when they rule the world. Given that, I thought now was as good a time as any to reprise a post Ash did back in February on what Skippy will do when he is king.
Some of the highlights:
Declaration #1: Being an asshole will be considered a form of violent assault. As such, violent retribution will be considered self-defense. In other words, as long as you can convince a jury of your peers that the son of a bitch had it coming, it’s kosher.
Declaration #3: All juvenile crimes will be punished with use of the stocks. Nothing amends teenage behavior faster than public embarrassment.
Declaration #4: The definition of the crime of pedophilia will be amended to include all acts of terrorism. This way anytime a terrorist is named on the news, they will be described as a pedophile.
Declaration #6: People who go on killing sprees to get attention (See V- Tech, NIU, Columbine, etc.) will not ever be mentioned by name in the press. They will only be referred to by silly emasculating names such as “Darling Princess Poofiness the Third”. All pictures of them will be modified to put them in ridiculous outfits. Once a year there will be a holiday where small children gather to laugh at these people. This will do more to reduce school violence than any amount of dress codes or banned music.
There are more here.
We’ll add to those Yojimbo’s Declaration #12: the Universities of Arizona and Kansas alternating national championships in every sport; and Angus Dei’s Declaration #13: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
Anyone else want to get in on this? We could always make it a rotating position 😉