The TMI Files. I Need A Husband.

Well, according to Magilla I do.

She’s at that stage. She’s 6 and a half (can’t forget those extra months), and interested in babies. And I do mean interested.

I got a call a couple of weeks ago asking if I knew of Magilla playing the monkey game with TPB. I had no idea, never heard of it. Well, it goes like this:

Magilla lays down on the trampoline over at TPB’s place.

TPB lies on top of her.

They bounce up and down on the trampoline.

Presto! Magilla has a baby in her tummy!


I am so glad that I heard all about it second hand. There was a discomforting conversation glossing over making babies, and I’ve reinforced it by telling Magilla that she shouldn’t be playing the monkey game. It’s not polite and you shouldn’t be having babies unless you’re married. (Her response: It’s okay to have your first baby if you’re not married, though, isn’t it? Quick reply: Well, darling, it’s actually better for everyone if Mummy and Daddy are married and living together but it doesn’t always work out like that. That’s all *phew!*)

This has led to several requests for me to have a baby.

I’ve told her several times that we don’t have a daddy around, and I’m not married, so there won’t be any babies. I’m not getting into declining fertility in your 40s and expecting menopause any year now. I’ve estimated I’ve got around 4 years max left for childbearing, and I don’t see any action on that particular horizon any time soon!

So now, the goal is to get me a husband. I need one so I can have a baby, so that Magilla can have a baby brother or sister. Spiderboy (the Godmother’s son) is just walking now, and he’s a lot of fun for her, but it’s not quite the same as having one of your own.

Magilla’s even worked out exactly what I need.

I need a handsome man who believes in God.

The Godmother thinks this is hilarious, of course, and she’s offered her assistance: she’s going to hand her credit card over to Magilla and take her to The Husband Shop so she can find me a good one.

Face it, guys.

I’m doomed.

Posted in Temp. 20 Comments »

I Sent Governor Palin an Email

Sappy, stupid, but this is what I “felt,” to use leftard jargon.

“Dear Governor Palin,

I am so glad you were John McCain’s running mate this election cycle, and I’m sorry you received a lot of hard knocks that you didn’t deserve along the way. You were a great inspiration to me, and I got really excited about the Republican ticket because you were on it. Please don’t fret about costing Senator McCain a single vote, because you at least got mine, and I’m certainly not alone (I was not exactly a fan of McCain’s centrist proclivities).

I’m a Texan, and I feel like Alaska is the new Texas. Many in my state have forgotten our pioneer heritage, the battle at The Alamo, and many other things that are vital to our identity, but you are someone who embodies our traditional frontier values. I’m so glad for that. Sometimes us old fashioned Americans feel totally lost and forgotten today.

You are decidedly young, and yet you are old school. Todd and I would see eye-to-eye on so much, and I’d love to hang out with him around the campfire on my hunting lease, as I’m sure you would (Man, would us guys have something to talk about if YOU came deer hunting with us!). Plus, I hotrod motorcycles, and I’m betting Todd would dig some of the work I do.

I can tell from everything I’ve seen of you that you are not a quitter and that you hate to lose. Join the club, me too. So, I’m just sending this email to support you, and to ask that you keep up the good fight. To me, and others like me, you are a beautiful fresh face for good, old fashioned American values, and I want you to keep it up.

Personally, I’m a very private person, so I can’t even imagine the burdens of a public life, but God has different missions for each of us, and the charisma and spirit He’s blessed you with indicate to me that His mission for you might be to bear His standard. Only you can answer that for certain, but thank you so much for getting me off the sidelines and to the voting booth this election. I was so dispirited I was thinking about sitting it out, but I didn’t: I voted for you.

Sorry for the long sappy email, but I just HAD to thank you.

Angus (Insert real name here) &c.”

If you thought Sarah kicked fucking ass, like I did, send her an email, like fanboy here did.


That’s Sarah after voting… not for Obama, I’m sure.

She’ll be back. Trust me on this. This babe kicks ass.

Yeah, I love her… because I’m a properly adjusted American male.

Posted in Palin. Tags: . 4 Comments »

Two Days On, and I’m Still in a Good Mood

What could possibly explain this?



Posted in Funny. Tags: . 5 Comments »

ODS! Odious! (ODiouS) Obama Derangement Syndrome!

Yep, it’s already started.

“Barack Obama has not even been sworn in yet as the 44th president of the United States but groups are springing up online calling for his impeachment.
On Facebook, an “Impeach Barack Obama” group has attracted more than 700 members and a lively debate about the Democrat’s election victory on Tuesday over Republican John McCain.

Another Facebook group of the same name has 160 members and urges others to join because “we might as well get a head start on the impeachment of Obama.”

“There are a lot of Americans out there that do not fully understand the concept of Socialism or Communism which is why they’ve elected Obama as president,” it says.

Yet another Facebook group, “Impeach Barack Hussein Obama,” has 160 members.

It decries that Obama “has voiced support for various unconstitutional programs such as the assault weapons ban, universal healthcare, and various schemes for wealth distribution.”

“What are we going to do about it? IMPEACH HIM!” it says.

Obama still has some way to go, however, to equal the number of “Impeach George Bush” groups on Facebook, which lists at least 95 such groups with varying membership.”

I was hopeful that the right would avoid this… but I guess not. LOL!

Posted in Funny, Obama, WTF. Tags: . 13 Comments »
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