Label WIN!1

This is the box used for accessing the two porno channels at a hotel my girlfriend and I stayed at a few weeks ago. Should probably send it to Fail blog.


Posted in Funny. 9 Comments »

The American Buttock: Wiping Out Gaia, Wipe by Wipe

It really is impossible to lampoon eco-tards anymore. Seriously, now the worstest, Mount Everest of the baddest eco-criminals evar!!!11@1#1$!!^%!!! is the American ass’ love of the softest, most comfiest toilet paper. Would I shit you?

“The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.

“This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous,” said Allen Hershkowitz [Self-loathing Jew extraordinaire – Beef] , a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council.

“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” Making toilet paper has a significant impact because of chemicals used in pulp manufacture and cutting down forests.

A campaign by Greenpeace…”

As soon as I got to the “Gr” in “Greenpeace” the jig was up. Back when I was a leftard, I used to send them oodles and gobs of money, so I know what the real deal is: Those meanie Greenies just want your miserable, gaia-raping ass to suffer when you have to take a shit. So, you know what the solution is: bias-ply, timber-cut, twenty-grit, barbed-wire, toilet-cob crosscut files. It’s the only way you can possibly suffer enough to justify your miserable existence: Your ass must bleed!

Blog Wars Redux

The latest in the Blog Wars (you really have to follow the links & comments to get the gist):

Andrew Bolt

Tim Blair

J.F. Beck

Teh PP-Boyz

Lavatory Rodeo

Skeptic Lawyer

… and even Ned the Bear?!?

Wake me up when it's over, m'kay?

spot_the_dog sez: "Wake me up when it's over, m'kay?"

UPDATE:  via Margo’s Maid’s Shadowlands another pup, having trouble maintaining interest, succumbs to sleep


UPDATE #2: Margo’s Maid’s Shadowlands also has some terrific commentary and link rounds-up on the all-singin’ all-dancin’ Goat Rodeo this blog war is morphing into.  Circle the wagons and Nerd Wars Update.”

Go.  Read.

I go door to door…

In my little session as a seagull manager (I fly in, crap on everything, make a lot of noise then bugger off again) I have been checking on how my junk mail deliveries have been going.
I quickly found out I wasnt getting what I was paying for so have been knocking on doors and asking people wether they have been getting their junk mail.

There are some strange people in the town Im in… Heres a couple.

First door I knocked at I got something very close to this

I was waiting for the 70’s porn music to start and wondering if I should say “I have come to clean ze pool”, unfortunately I learnt a lesson, life isnt like a porn film….

Then I had my other stand out unit of the day, I got a bloke with truely weird eyes. Sort of like this but sped up about 5 times

Plus the addition of what appeared to be fecal fingerpainting across the front of his shirt. This time I was truly glad life was not like a movie as I could hear the psycho theme in my head….

Today was one of my favourites I asked a lady if she was receiving her catalogues (a nicer way to say junk mail). She replied no, I said thanks and went to leave, as I was walking off she shouted to me “because some c*nts stolen me letterbox”.

Its not the best part of town, but Im actually enjoying seeing some of the underclass in their natural environment.

(This may sound harsh, but there is a huge difference between poor, on the pension and respectable, as opposed to scum, of which my town has a huge number of).

European Carbon Markets Collapse, Making it Cheap to Pollute

I’m filled with malevolent joy! Schadenfreude!!! Europe’s carbon markets have collapsed, making dirty old coal cheap to pollute with again!

“Roll up for the great pollution fire sale, the ultimate chance to wreck the climate on the cheap. You sir, over there, from the power company – look at this lovely tonne of freshly made, sulphur-rich carbon dioxide. Last summer it cost an eyewatering €31 to throw up your smokestack, but in our give-away global recession sale, that’s been slashed to a crazy €8.20. Dump plans for the wind turbine! Compare our offer with costly solar energy! At this low, low price you can’t afford not to burn coal!” …

That there exists something called carbon trading is about all that most people know. A few know, too, that Europe has created carbon exchanges, and traders who buy and sell. Few but the professionals, however, know that this market is now failing in its purpose: to edge up the cost of emitting CO2.

The theory sounded fine in the boom years, back when Nicholas Stern described climate change as “the biggest market failure in history” – a market failure to which carbon trading was meant to be a market solution. Instead, it’s bolstering the business case for fossil fuels.”


If a green fails in the woods, does it make a sound?

LOL UPDATE: The question should have been, if a carbon-sniffing satellite falls in the ocean, does it make a sound?

“(CNN) — A NASA satellite crashed back to Earth about three minutes after launch early Tuesday, officials said…

“We could not make orbit,” NASA program manager John Brunschwyler said. “Initial indications are the vehicle did not have enough [force] to reach orbit and landed just short of Antarctica in the ocean.”

“Certainly for the science community, it’s a huge disappointment.”

The satellite, which would have monitored greenhouse gases to study how they affect the Earth’s climate, was launched on a rocket from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California at 1:55 a.m. PT (4:55 a.m. ET)…

The $273 million satellite, called the Orbiting Carbon Observatory, would have collected “precise global measurements of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the Earth’s atmosphere” to help better forecast the changes in carbon dioxide “and the effect that these changes may have on the Earth’s climate.””

Well, the OCO is now the LOCA: Lost Oceanic Clam Attractor. It’s hard not to conclude that God hates climotards, as it is when one ponders all of the icy weather that accompanies Al Gore around the planet.

Bing visits the DMZ

Yep. Finally, after more than four years (on and off) working in South Korea, a mate and I got around to visiting the most heavily fortified place on the planet, one of the final ‘living’ remnants of the Cold War, where democracy and capitalism literally meets old school communism – the Demilitarized Zone aka DMZ aka Panmunjom.

Part of the tour included visiting the most exciting place of all, the Joint Security Area aka JSA. As you probably know, that’s the bit where you could literally walk into North Korea if you were so inclined (and didn’t mind being shot at).

And we also saw the third incursion tunnel, one of four that have been discovered, that the North Koreans built after the armistice (remember, the Korean War isn’t technically over – the military guys did their part but we’re all still waiting on the politicians to sort the rest out).

Anyway, I took pics of course (where they let me) so without further ado…

Read the rest of this entry »

‘Conversatives’ are stoopid. Apparently.

Not having much time (or inclination, it must be said) to prowl around the dark reaches of the Left-o-sphere these days, I am a little unfamiliar with the goings-on there.  When an acquaintance dropped me a line to let me know that a comment I had made on Andrew Bolt’s blog yesterday had (within hours) been cut ‘n’ pasted (out of context of course) into comments on a new Crikey blog, and that another commenter had cut ‘n’ pasted my “About” section from this blog there as well, I dropped in to have a look.  [Memo ‘Bertus’:  If in future you want to debate and/or further discuss any of my comments, I’m perfectly amenable to it – on the blog on which I originally made said comments.  Engage, don’t speculate and snipe.]

Anyway.  Back to Crikey’s new blog.  Meh. Not overly impressed, but – whatever.  There’s plenty of room for everyone on the Interwebs I guess, hey?  Chacun à son goût & all that. But since people with whom I’ve never knowingly corresponded on a blog on which I’ve never commented were somewhat interested in me and my life, I went to have a look at their link to a site by the same authors  which is dedicated to “watching” Andrew Bolt and Tim Blair (does that sound more than a little creepy to anyone else?).

This was the most recent comment on the most recent post there:


See how the blogosphere can bring us together?  Here’s a great chance for bipartisan across-the-aisle diplomatic relations.  Because I don’t rightly know what conversative ignorance” *is*, but it surely sounds like something I’d be willing to stand up against as well.

Ignorant conversatives of the internets, consider yourselves now on notice!   Conversative ignorance is a curse up with which we Rethuglican Sheepletards will not put.      (You will later be joined in Coventry by those happy haters willing to condemn others as ignorant without even understanding the difference between your & you’re and there & their themselves.)

Well.  Anyway.  Like the Black guy sez“And that’s my rant.“*

(*Sorry Kevin ;-))

UPDATE: Mythusmage joins our bipartisan non-denominational Fatwa against ‘Conversative Ignorance’ – with a slightly different tack…

Sunday Brunch

spot_the_dog gives you … the Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger!

Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger

Giant burger between two large meat pizzas, eggs, bacon, colby and pepper jack cheese.

Mmmmmmm…  bacon.

-via Spieler

Yello: “Oh Yeah” Original and “Original” LULZ!

I remember the birth of techno, baby. I loved Yello’s “Oh Yeah” when it came out.

OK, now here it is sped up so the voice is at its “original” and natural pitch:

Posted in Art, Funny, Music. 1 Comment »

Gerald Celente, Prophet of Doom

World economic collapse? Second American revolution? Tax revolts? WW III (WW IV actually)? All of this we can expect in the next few years according to Gerald Celente of Trends Research.

I’ve been trending (ha ha) this direction in the bleakness of my outlook for several years now, as our dysfunctional political class decides to levy 1900% tax increases on beer, and ponders not giving the citizens tax refunds due to state budget shortfalls, and similar actions that bespeak of an abject level of venal hubris.

So, how to survive the coming societal collapse? My suggestion would be to take some lessons from a Russian who watched the Soviet Union implode.

UPDATE: Australians to be taxed for taking a shit. I shit you not.

UPDATE II: Wow! That was fast! Celente predicts tax revolt b eginning with property taxes, Hoboken, New Jersey residents protest property tax increases! I used to live in Hoboken – it’s right across the river from Manhattan – and it’s a very liberal Democrat town, so I find this just flabbergasting.

UPDATE III: I actually posted another scene from this film months ago, but it’s gaining new currency now.

Bing wins Peter Roebuck Summer Run Muster

And by the narrowest of margins, and with such parallels to an actual real game of cricket, I’ve managed to come up trumps and win the Inaugural Great Peter Roebuck Summer Run Muster!

For the record, I predicted the Buckster would score ‘a defiant 169’.

A frantic single. Final score: exactly 184. Bingbing wins by the narrowest margin possible after surviving a ferocious last-over Roebuck assault. Congratulations to Merilyn for a bold challenge.

Posted in Temp. 8 Comments »

Ban Kissing

Yep, that’s what Virgin (of all companies) has done. Too bloody ironic, right?

Posted in WTF. 1 Comment »

Stay and defend or leave early?

Lately, there has been some debate on Australia’s recent firestorm.

Where the debate isn’t at is improved safety.

TOUGH new fire planning measures — including retrofitting existing homes and increasing heat resistance of houses in fire-prone areas — could be rushed through by the State Government.

The safety measures are among contentious planning issues to be debated by cabinet today.

As attention shifts from recovery to reconstruction following the devastating fires, [Victorian] Premier John Brumby said cabinet debate would focus on the need for improved fire safety in building standards.

Yet, there is renewed debate over whether Australia’s ‘stay and defend or leave early’ policy is the best (of the worst) options.

Victoria’s CFA says the strategy should stay.

More on that debate here.

Dangerous fire has threatened Australians ever since humans arrived. The indigenous Aborigines have used fire to tame the countryside for more than 40,000 years, having figured that numerous small forest fires were better than one big disaster.

One thing, though. Is ‘tame’ the right word to use when describing the effect indigenous Australians had, over scores of thousands of years, over the Australian environment?

More on that here.

Fire has long been a feature of the Australian bush, with the plants and animals adapted to regular, natural infernos. For thousands of years, Aborigines lived with the flames too, using them to improve forest access and increase the size of hunting grounds.

But as more people have moved to live in the bush and the urban fringes, the risk to them and their property has grown.

The weekend’s terrible death toll has already prompted questions about the country’s “stay-and-defend” policy, which encourages homeowners to stay and fight the flames. Many victims are believed to have perished in their cars as they realised too late that they would not be safe if they had stayed.

Still, if history is any indication, it seems the ‘leave early or stay and defend’ strategy has been the most effective. Basically, one or the other – NOT leaving at the last minute.

And yes. The issue of back-burning. A safety measure long opposed by environmental groups (more on that a bit further down the page).

There are also questions about the consequences of fire risk reduction measures practiced over the last few decades: preventing regular fires means the amount of burnable wood grows year-by-year, risking even greater firestorms.

“The mismanagement of the south-eastern forests of Australia over the last 30 or 40 years by excluding prescribed burning and fuel management has lead to the highest fuel concentrations we have ever had in human occupation,” said David Packham, a bush fire researcher at Monash University, Australia. “The state has never been as dangerous as what it is now and this has been quite obvious for some time.”

Well, either way, at least the Royal Commission (massive investigation) is being given pretty much free reign.

JUSTICE BERNARD TEAGUE has been given unconditional discretion to investigate the causes of Victoria’s devastating bushfires and report on measures to prevent similar blazes in the future.

Announcing the terms of reference for the $40 million royal commission yesterday, the Victorian Premier, John Brumby, said the commission would be as broad as possible to ensure all aspects of the fire are examined.

Bing thinks Victoiran MP, Fran Baily has the right idea. Via Andrew Bolt who notes…

Earlier last week I was urging that we build a hall, cultural centre or sports facility at each fire-prone town that was completely fire-proof, so that everyone had a known place of refuge. Bailey’s suggestion is a clearly suprerior modification, and must be adopted.

We’ll see. In the meantime, none of this is over yet. Please help.

(Tizona editors are encouraged to update this post.)

Thanks, larvatusprodeo

No, seriously. Larvatusprodeo, prominent Australian Left-wing blog, have actually highlighted a very serious problem. Just what would Germany do without its nuclear power? Let alone if they disbanded with their Gaia-raping black and especially brown coal power stations. And despite what all the pundits say, natural gas isn’t ‘clean’, either. Which leaves us with the alternatives. Wind. Solar. Hamsters.

Alternative energy.

Alternative energy.

Wind power, not only an eyesore and a grind mill for birds, is hopelessly low on efficiency rates thus far, even with a few meager improvements.

Hey. Wind power can work. And it does sometimes. But in a modern society, ‘sometimes’ isn’t good enough. Perhaps later, but not until the turbine mob get their act together… and not at OUR expense.

It was good while it lasted

Mark Steyn’s take on where, thanks to all these new Vibey policies, America is headed.

In 1897, troops from the greatest empire the world had ever seen marched down London’s mall for Queen Victoria’s diamond jubilee. Seventy years later, Britain had government health care, a government-owned car industry, massive government housing, and it was a shriveled high-unemployment socialist basket-case living off the dwindling cultural capital of its glorious past. In 1945, America emerged from the Second World War as the preeminent power on earth. Seventy years later . . .

Let’s not go there.

That said, the UK is still going OK. Key word is ‘mix’, you American folks. For instance, make health care more affordable but don’t totally socialize it, like say, Cuba has.

What can happen when healthcare is totally socialised

Cuban hospital providing universal healthcare: what can happen when healthcare is totally socialised.

Worlds worst* Genocide

There genociding like rabbits in Gaza, according to figures released today.

Gaza census shows population explosion




A census of Gaza published today shows that the population in the Palestinian territory has risen by almost 40 per cent in the past 10 years, one of the highest growth rates in the world.

Not that a little detail like that will stop the rabid moonbats claiming genocide as per usual…

Gaza city street.

With its population estimated to double in the next 20 years, Gaza’s economy is hopelessly unfit to provide employment for its residents.

Somehow this is completely divorced from decisions made by Gazans themselves?

Many factors are responsible for Gaza’s impoverishment but the freezing of international funds since Hamas won the 2006 Palestinian elections and then the following year seized full control of Gaza, has worsened the situation.

Then why mention only the issue which the “international community” has “guilt” for, except for the usual reasons of trying to turn the funding back on? Why no mention of “despite launching rockets daily at Israel, having a public platform of killing/expelling all Jews, and acts of thuggery on their own people???”

Homo Leftardus Retromorphensis

Possibly NSFW warning, but this is pretty much how leftards look through my eyes.

Read the rest of this entry »


Words fail to describe the over the top suckiness of this. They stuck a singularity of acting ability inside a black hole of a script and subjected it to a directing event horizon.

The sheer 80’s-ness of the clothing adds to the overall badness of the whole thing.


The slow mo punches

The puns at the end

Place your contenders for worst scenes in a movie below….

UPDATE (Beef): My pick for the worst fight scene in cinematic history?…

The Crossroads Guitar Duel.

No way Ralph fucking Macchio would have won against Steve fucking Vai!

Sorry, Satan would have taken this round easy.

Sierpiński Valentine from xkcd

Pssst… for the Arts Graduates

-via the always excellent

In which mild-mannered spot_the_dog is accused of being a denialist fraudster and key participant in a global conspiracy.

See updates here.

winged monkey attack brigade patch

Heh.  I’m sayin’, heh.

Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) Logo

Further thought-bubble:  VRWC rank-wise, is that above or below being a  Racist Rethuglican Sheepletard?

For Bingbing: Proof Darwin was Wrong

The Devolution of Rock

Proof Darwin Sucks: The Devolution of Rock

There can be no argument.

UPDATE: Oops! Forgot the link. More at Listicles.

“How to Help” – Animal Edition – Australian Bushfires 2009

Rebecca Michael

Bushfire victim Sam the koala's burns are treated by Colleen Wood at a shelter in Rawson. Picture: Rebecca Michael

As an adjunct to Bingbing’s “How You Can Help” resource page for those wishing to support the victims of the recent Victorian Bushfires here in Australia, and because the now-famous photos and videos of Sam the Koala who was rescued from the bushfire by CFA volunteer David Tree have also brought out people wishing to know how to assist the animal victims of the bushfires, I am passing on this facebook/email message I received from our friend and contributor  Gramfan:

Saving Pets and Wildlife Injured by Bushfires

Event Info

Host: Tanya Lumley
Type: Causes – Fundraiser
Network: Global

Time and Place
Start Time: Monday, February 9, 2009 at 11:00pm
End Time: Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 2:00am
Contact Info
Phone: 0406165335

The recent devastating bushfires have injured so many Animals, and the existing clinics close to the fires are working overtime to save them.

Some animals were saved by their owners, though sustained a burn or injury, some were left behind by their families as they fled, others belong to families that have perished.

Pets are being bought into the clinics faster than they can be seen, and supplies are running extremely low.


1- See your local veterinarian and plead for donations of medical supplies. Particularly-

• Fluids
• Antibiotics
• Anti-Inflamatories
• Silvazine
• Bandages

2- See your local pet store/vet/supermarket and purchase or plead them to supply you with-

• Cages
• Leads
• Collars and tags
• Cat food
• Dog food
• Kitty Litter
• Bird seed – wild and caged
• Chook pellets

3- Invite as many people as you can to this event.  Cut and paste this text and email it to everyone you know.

4- Email or phone 0406 165 335 and advise of your astounding work, and what you can supply.

Otherwise just drop them in to the ever wonderful Richmond Veterinary Clinic who have offered to be our drop off point for all animal products.

you can find them at:

259 Church Street
Richmond, VIC 3121
(just a little way from the Bridge Rd/Church St intersection)
Parking is available at the rear of clinic

Please mark all donations clearly with contents.

I am reluctant to take cash from anyone, since I am not a registered charity, but the following links provide information on the best place to donate to in order to help the bushfire animals.

Wildlife Victoria
RSPCA Victoria

or directly to the Red Cross Bushfire Appeal:

5- Go home and hug your own pets, and be grateful that you have them.

Everybody loves their pets, and would hate for them to suffer burns and injuries. Hopefully, with your help, all animals will recover and find good homes.

You are doing a wonderful, wonderful thing.


Editor’s note:  Just a standard caveat, this is a forwarded message,and I can’t personally vouch directly at the moment for the organiser of this event or for the email address or phone numbers given.

What I absolutely do know at the moment though is that Wildlife Victoria and the RSPCA in Victoria do great work all year round, and are doing stellar work with both the injured wildlife and the injured/abandoned/orphaned pets from the bushfire regions at the moment.  And of course there’s the official Red Cross Victorian Bushfire Appeal 2009.

Thank you for reading this and passing it on.

Wildlife Victoria Donate Button RSPCA Victoria Bushfire Appeal Red Cross Logo Australian Bushfire Appeal

UPDATE: G’day to our friends visiting from the LA Times and Eye On The World

UPDATE #2: The Southern Ash Wildlife Shelter, which is looking after our now-famous Sam the Koala, has set up a special “Sam the Koala” website featuring updates and new pictures and hopes to raise funds for the care of Sam and the other koalas that were burnt on 7 February, 2009.

Stumble It!

Update on Kevin’s highspeed Interweb access plan

Via Jennifer Hewett at the Australian (sorry it’s a bit late and all).

Basically, it’s fucked. Telstra don’t want to build a nationwide fibreoptic highspeed Kruddtastic network, but even if they did, they’re locked out of negotiations on a legal technicality. Kevni wants a return on his investment but his plan is totally nonviable (sure, bloggers should have checked that out before the election but you know, there is a media out there who get paid to do such things for the sake of the public benefit). Basically, it ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. Still, at least we don’t have to worry about a computer for every school kid. Remember that one? Yep we all do.

A bad day underground

This little post is to give you “upworlders” an idea of what can go wrong undergound. Fortunately the equipment used in this series was remotely operated so no personnel were at risk.

Stope rockfall

Stope rockfall


A lot of the more dangerous mining is carried out via teleremote equipment, it increases the expense of operations, is difficult to use well, but removes nearly any chance of a fatality or serious injury when something does go wrong. The recovery of the vehicle is the only hazardous part here. Some mines have left machines entombed (including 1 driver that I am aware of) when it was judged to dangerous to retrieve the machinery.


More piccies below the fold. Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Birthday to Sarah Palin (via The Black Sphere)


A Birthday Tribute to Governor Sarah Palin.

By honorary-Australian-any-old-time-he-finally-manages-to-get-his-butt-down-here Kevin Jackson of The Black Sphere.

Couldn’t have said it any better myself, so I’m not even gonna try.  I may not be real smart, but I’m smart enough to know when I’m beat. 😉

Seriously.  READ IT.

And while you’re there, have a browse through the site & the left sidebar.  Lots of good stuff there, about Kevin and what he’s about, about others on his team & how to support them.  Heaps good links ‘n’ stuff, plus Obama photoshops galore.  Plus the Black Sphere Radio Show links (which I’m not smart enough to embed directly – failed the “fetch” unit an’ all).

Bonus! There’s a Perth connection (there’s always a Perth connection, watch any Perth news broadcast, ask any0ne sheltering a piece of Skylab in their back shed, ask John Glenn!) , as one of Kev’s team members Dave (now in Texas)  lived in Mt Pleasant (a Perth suburb) in the early 70’s whilst his father, a Geophysicist, worked out in the Great Sandy.

Perth/Western Australia and North Carolina – the two main nexuses (nexii?) of the universe.  Forget that “six degrees of separation” stuff, with WA and NC there’re never more than two or three degrees of separation between any major world event and these two places.  Honest.

Now.  Go away and read.

*(update below the fold)* Read the rest of this entry »

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