Now this is well done


Ok first Im going to post the “offical” report of the incident, under the fold is the less than complimetary original report.

This is possibly the best report Ive ever seen, the editing ability of the officer who put in the offical report is legendary….

 

nice

nice

ORIGINAL QPRIME VERSION – QP0800684734 refers

 

 

AT 1436 HOURS ON THE 26/10/08 POLICE ATTENDED THE OFFENCE LOCATION IN RELATION TO RELATED OCCURRENCE, QP0800684600, WHICH IS A PETROL DRIVE OFF AND UNLICENSED DRIVING OCCURRENCE. POLICE DIGITALLY RECORDED CONVERSATIONS WITH THE SUSPECT FOR THOSE OFFENCES. POLICE SPOKE WITH STEPHEN JOHN FISHER,DOB 3/7/68 AND ATTEMPTED TO ARRANGE HIM TO ATTEND STATION AND SORT OUT THE RELATED OCCURRENCE. HE TOLD POLICE HE HAD THE MONEY FOR THE DRIVE OFF AND WOULD BE ABLE TO PAY FOR IT ON THE TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY. HE INVITED POLICE TO COME INTO HIS DWELLING HOWEVER POLICE DECLINED AS THEY OBSERVED A DOG INSIDE THE SECOND LEVEL OF THE HOUSE, BARKING AGGRESSIVELY AT POLICE.

THE WIFE, WHOSE IDENTITY IS PRESUMED TO BE ONE OF THE ASSOCIATES ATTACHED TO THE SUSPECT IN QPRIME, WAS ALSO PRESENT AT THE TIME. POLICE WERE UNABLE TO ASCERTAIN HER IDENTITY. AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF QUESTIONING FEMALE BECAME AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS POLICE AND RETURNED BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE. AT WHICH POINT FISHER STARTED TO DEMAND WHEN HE WOULD BE GOING TO COURT AND BEGAN TO WORK HIMSELF UP. POLICE OBSERVED TWO YOUNG CHILDREN WERE STANDING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AND THE FEMALE PERSON WAS NOW STANDING AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. SOMEONE LET THE DOG OUT OF THE HOUSE AND THE DOG BEGAN TO RUN TOWARDS REPORTING OFFICER. REPORTING OFFICER WITHDREW HIS OC SPRAY FROM HIS

 POUCH AND WARNED THE DOG “DO NOT BITE ME OR I WILL SPRAY YOU”. FISHER USED THIS OPPORTUNITY TO CHARGE AT POLICE AND BEGAN TO SHOUT AGGRESSIVELY AT POLICE. DIGITAL RECORDING OF THIS WAS TAKEN. SENIOR OFFICER PRESENT MADE TACTICAL DECISION TO WITHDRAW. AS BOTH POLICE MADE IT BACK TOWARDS ROADWAY FISHER BEGAN TO ADVANCE ON HIM WITH FISTS RAISED INTO BALLS WISHING TO FIGHT POLICE. REPORTING OFFICER STOPPED AND PREPARED TO DEPLOY SPRAY. OFFICERS AGAIN STARTED TO WITHDRAW BACK TO POLICE VEHICLE AT WHICH POINT FISHER TURNED AROUND FACING HIS REAR TOWARDS THE POLICE VEHICLE AND DROPPED HIS PANTS TO UPPER THIGH LEVEL AND SPREAD HIS BUTTOCKS CHEEKS AND PRESENTED HIS ANUS AND TESTES TOWARDS POLICE AND CONTINUED TO DO SO AS POLICE DROVE OFF.

POLICE THEN TACTICALLY WITHDREW BACK TO POLICE STATION AND SOUGHT ADVICE FROM DDO REGARDING DEALING WITH FISHER. DUE TO BEHAVIOUR OF THE SUSPECT THAT DAY AND OFFICER SAFETY THE DECISION AS MADE THAT POLICE WOULD NOT RE-ATTEND BUT WOULD TAKE UP WITH FISHER AT A LATER DATE DURING THE WEEK. POLICE ALSOOBSERVED NOMINATED VEHICLE FROM THE RELATED OCCURRENCE IN THE YARD WHEN ATTENDING.

This is a direct copy/paste of a general report (if you don’t believe me look it up – QP0800684734) from QPRIME…

 

 

At 1436 hours on the 26/10/08 two skirts dressed as police attended the QPS Academy Prove Program APS day also known as the offence location in relation to related occurrence, QP0800684600, which is a absolute waste of Police time petrol drive off and unlicensed driving occurrence. Police digitally recorded conversations for a petrol drive-off and unlicensed drive, not for the purpose of assisting prosecution but to play back to much tougher, bigger Police who may do something when confronted with the suspect for those offences. Police spoke with the incredibly large, scary, almost HULK like Stephen John FISHER, DOB 3/7/68 and attempted (tried really really hard, even said pretty please) to arrange him to attend station where

Other real Police who are much tougher and scarier are) and sort out the related occurrence. He (the incredibly large, scary man) told police he had the money for the drive off and would be able to pay for it on the Tuesday or Wednesday. He (the incredibly large, scary man) invited the two skirts dressed as police to come into his dwelling where they were certain to meet their doom, however police declined as they observed a dog with big sharp pointy teeth, wearing body armour, a face shield and brandishing a semi-automatic rifle, inside the second level of the house, barking aggressively at police. The wife, possibly the most fearsome woman Police had ever seen and whose identity is presumed to be one of the associates attached to the suspect in QPRIME, was also present at the time. Police were

unable to ascertain her identity though they were sure she used to be a WWF wrestler or possibly Chuck Norris’s stunt double . After a few minutes of questioning female became aggressive towards police and was not told to go back inside and mind her own damn business, but luckily for Police she returned back inside the house before she became too scary . At which point FISHER (the incredibly large, scary man) started to demand when he would be going to court, at which point Police considered grabbing his ugly head, dragging him to their car in a headlock and yelling “right now you rude ignorant B@st@rd!” but they chose to simply stand there and take it while he got angrier and began to work himself up. Police observed two young children (both of which seemed physically capable of overpowering the Police and driving away in their vehicle) were standing at the bottom of the stairs andthe female person was now standing at the top of the stairs giving Police a glare that was melting their spines . Someone let the dog out of the house and the dog began to run towards possibly the greatest scent of fear it had

ever encountered in its entire life, the reporting officer. Reporting officer withdrew his OC spray from his pouch and warned the dog … yes he  WARNED THE DOG “Do not bite me or I will spray you” as he was confident that the dog would be able to understand the English language .

 

FISHER (the incredibly large, scary man) used this opportunity to charge (and Hulk up)at police and began to shout aggressively, and said very mean things at police. Digital recording of this was taken in case Police were to meet there doom and their brave story could be retold . Senior officer and the station’s facial crème model present made tactical decision to withdraw with our tail between our legs as we both bruise easily and it was almost nap time. As both skirts dressed as police made it back towards roadway FISHER (the incredibly large, scary man) began to advance on him (the station’s facial crème model) with fists raised into huge wrecking balls wishing to fight the two skirts dressed as police. Reporting officer stopped as he was unable to walk, talk and act at the same time, and prepared to deploy spray but didn’t because of the enormity of the process no doubt involved in placing a Use of Force report on QPRIME . Officers again started to withdraw with their tail between their legs, back to police vehicle at which point FISHER (the incredibly large, scary man) turned around facing his rear towards the police vehicle to present an easy target and dropped his pants

to present an easier target to upper thigh level and spread his buttocks cheeks presenting possibly the greatest OC spray target ever given to a Police officer…ever , and presented his anus and testes towards police and continued to do so as police, who naturally wanted to open the biggest can of whoop a$$ imaginable on this insubordinate tool to ensure he shows the appropriate level of respect to every emergency service person he ever encounters from now on, but instead the Police… drove off. Police then tactically withdrew as this term is much better than saying we ran away because the man was too scary and we needed new undies, back to police station and sought advice from DDO regarding dealing with FISHER. Due to behaviour of the suspect, his big scary dog, woman and terrifying children that day and officer safety and the overpowering smell of urine soaked operational pants, the decision was made that police would not re-attend because it was too scary and they all bruise easily, but would take up with FISHER at a later date, preferably when other, more tougher Police are working instead, during the week. Police also observed nominated vehicle from the related occurrence in the yard when attending.   Police then went home to drink west coast coolers before taking their afternoon nap.

 

 

Now THATS a police report.

7 Responses to “Now this is well done”

  1. bingbing Says:

    If true, very funny but neither of those two report numbers matched anything online.

    QP0800684600 Nor here.

    QP0800684734 Not here, either.

    In fact, both numbers get precisely one google search result. No prizes for guessing where.

  2. thefrollickingmole Says:

    It was sent by a copper mate, Illhave to tell him hes been conned!

    By other coppers!

    • bingbing Says:

      Lulz!

    • bingbing Says:

      PS Is he hoping to be a detective one day?

    • thefrollickingmole Says:

      Nope dog squad actually, I believe they are hoping the introduction of the dog might raise the average IQ of at least one of the team members!

    • bingbing Says:

      Haha! If you know any of his copper mates, tell them, too.

      Careful, but. It took all of a few minutes to check up on those numbers… something a certain editor perhaps should have done.

      No worries. Another certain editor is still a wee bit embarrassed he didn’t realise a certain blacklist was actually nine years old before launching a tirade at a certain government figure.

    • bingbing Says:

      O/T Great stuff over at Skeptic Lawyer, mate.


Well, SAY something...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: