Emusing tales


Years ago I worked on an emu farm, I spotted an adult and 3 chicks running around the minesite today which jogged my memory of a few tales…

 

 

This clip is of an emu chucking a wobbly. The farm I worked on had a big pen of about 25 juvenile emus for the tourists to have a look at. I learnt a little trick, if you whistle at a certain tone, then vary it a bit it makes the whole mob carry on like the one in the above clip.

 

 

Emu attacks!! I still have a scar on the palm of my hand from one bird. The big middle toe on the things can be quite sharp and they kick with quite a lot of force.

On one occasion I was showing some tourists around the nesting area while the fathers were on the eggs. (as usual the poor blokes get left to do the hard work)… I went into a pen to lift the back of an emu up so they could get a few photos/ a look at the clutch of eggs. Knowing this was a fairly cranky emu I picked up a good sized stick to give it a whack if it went for me. Well it jumped up and had a go at me so I swung my arm back with the stick in it to give it a whack when the stick broke off in my hand leaving me with about 15mm of wood left.. The tourists had fun watching me running around and dodging the bloody thing until I got out of the pen..

 

More under the fold

 

Unfortunately the poster of this video doesnt quite know the difference between “angry emu” and “horny emu”. They are nearly as bad as that parrot I posted before, if it sits still for long enough they will try to have sex with it.

With me as reciever...I dont think so...

With me as reciever...I dont think so...

 I was working with another bloke fixing up a couple of fences when he started to laugh at me, I looked over my shoulder and there was a beaked Lothario shuffling up behind me with his feathers fluffed and throat “drumming” (a noise they make). they really arent that bright.

 

only a few days old

only a few days old

We had our first hatching of the year to a particularly bad set of parents, the first chick hatched and they left the nest in freezing cold and rain, that little one was the only survivor. We put the little thing in the tourist centre for them to have a look at, just letting it wander where it wanted. Well we had a young couple with their toddler turn up for a look around, the kid and the emu were about the same height.

Both were busy eyeing each other off, the kid with curiosity and the emu wondering what the kid was. The little girl was all dressed up, sandals, pink dress, pink dummy with a pink ribbon on it….thats where it all went wrong. The emu leant forward, the kid did the same, then the emu struck! It pecked the dummy out of the little girls mouth and ran off with it, the kids eyes went like saucers, and she took in the biggest breath of her life before letting it out in a huge bellowing scream, meanwhile the emu was chucking bog laps round the store with the dummy in its mouth.

 

Just imagine smaller, and covered in pompoms...

Just imagine smaller, and covered in pompoms...

 

My brother in law is evil. Proof: He got my sister stoned on dope for the first time ever then stuck her in a pen full of emus…wearing a jumper much like the one above…. emus will peck anything bright and obvious, guess what my stoned sister looked like?

The surrounded her and began trying to peck off all the pom poms on the jumper, dozens of them. It worked, to the best of my knowledge my sister has never smoked dope agin.

 

Unfortunately in this scenario, I was the terroist ans Smeaton was an emu.
Unfortunately in this scenario, I was the terrorist and Smeaton was an emu.

We used to butcher birds on site to make emu burgers out of for the tourists, Knocking off an emu isnt always easy as they have strong opinions on the issue. The easiest way to restrain an emu is from behind, leaning over them and grabbing their stumpy little wings. That way if they start to jump up you can use your own body weight to keep them down.

We were off grabbing 3 birds to kill, the first 2 were uneventful, then we got to the 3rd. I was restraining it when the boss stepped in and cut its throat.
Did you know emus knees bend backwards? a lot.
The emu got me right in the jatz crackers before it dropped and began to thrash as it bled to death. I was getting my legs kicked and covered in blood and had 2 other blokes yelling at me to “get away”.
I couldnt feel my legs. More precisely my genitalia were lodged up somewhere around my lungs, and I couldnt even see through the swirly pain colours in my eyes.
I couldnt move for about 5 minutes, and was taken back to the quarters on a trailer, I couldnt even sit down. It was 2 days before the swelling went down and I could leave my room, another 2 weeks before my nuts returned to their normal colours…
 
I havent been all that fond of emus since.
 

8 Responses to “Emusing tales”

  1. bingbing Says:

    Folks. He’s Aussie. But it’s probably mostly true.

    The question begs. Having rented refrigerators the past few months, what brought this on?

    ( almost answers itself but, doesn’t it?)

  2. RebeccaH Says:

    There are some emu farmers in SW Ohio, believe it or not. When they come into town, they seem like a grim lot.

  3. Col. Milquetoast Says:

    A few years ago I happened to drive past an ostrich farm and I stopped to take a few pics (one doesn’t see too many ostriches where I live) and one of the ostriches started doing a mating dance. Visualize an ostrich having a seizure with its head swinging wildly back and forth while it creepily keeps an eye on you. I politely declined. It’s not you, it’s me I said.

    Another time, someone’s pet peacock fanned its feathers at me (only the males have the big tail so it was a gay peacock). Again, I politely declined.

    As it seems I’m considered sexy by flightless birds, I’ve so far avoided NZ and Australia so as to not to be a tease to the emus and kiwis.

    • bingbing Says:

      Sexy flightless birds?

      Forget that holiday in Antarctica then.

    • Col. Milquetoast Says:

      Yup. No Antarctica. The last thing I want is to get raped by penguins.

    • bingbing Says:

      Especially dem fairy penguins.

  4. Chalam.V.V. Says:

    I would like to start emu fam. I want to know the guidlines top to bottom

  5. Funnies emusing Says:

    […] Emusing tales « The Tizona GroupEmusing tales. October 12, 2009, 9:06 pm — thefrollickingmole. Years ago I worked on an emu farm, …. 7 Responses to “Emusing tales”. bingbing Says: … […]


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