Antipodean Marsupial Comparison

A quick hemispherical battle of the marsupials

The Southern Hemisphere :

the kangaroo – awww, how cute… It’s like Bambi learned to stand upright and hop. With a pouch!
The wallaby – awww… like a kangaroo, but fun-sized.
The koala – awww… it looks like Pat Morita and a Teddy Bear had a love child – but in a good, mostly cuddly way.
The sugar glider – awww… tiny with big round eyes, a prehensile tail, pocket sized, it can fly. It is like a cartoon character with real fur. If it could talk it’d be one of the Rescue Rangers. (if only the wallaby looked like a moose instead of a deer. This is the reason to support genetic engineering. Upright moose + flying squirrel = real life Rocky & Bullwinkle)

The Northern Hemisphere :
North America has marsupials : Opossums (aka possums).

black shiny beady eyes, vampire teeth, a raspy hiss and naked, furless fingers

baby possums are almost as ugly as the parents but have more of a rat like appearance. Several ugly child possums will clutch on to the back of the parent making it appear to be a multiheaded monster.

Unlike other skittish animals like rabbits, mice or squirrels, a possum doesn't run away. It either keels over to play dead or it takes its time and will slowly walk away as if daring you to follow it back to hell.

Until the science of genetic engineering improves, I think the Southern hemisphere is winning the cuteness category but the Northern wins the ability to reflexively play dead category..

UPDATE [@s_dog]:  Antipodean Marsupial Comparison, Round II

8 Responses to “Antipodean Marsupial Comparison”

  1. kae Says:

    Col. that’s good.
    Those northern hemisphere possums are fugly!

    Believe me when I say that the southern hemisphere possums are vicious – think the character in Bugs Bunny Taz, the Tasmanian devil. But cute.

  2. Carpe Jugulum Says:

    Yep……..we got the northern hemisphere beat in the cute animal stakes.

    Interestingly we also have them beat in the scary/venemous critter stakes too……………………how cool is that 🙂

    • Col. Milquetoast Says:

      If the deadly category and the cuteness category did overlap then we would know that nature is out to get us.

      Australia seems to easily win the poisonous things category. Of course, I would mention that in the things-that-will-eat-you category a predator like a shark can’t tear open your car door like a bear can.

  3. Vulture Says:

    I’ll take the fugly opossums over those nightmarish spiders of yours. A venomous spider the size of my fist negates all of the marsupial cute.

  4. The Wizard of WOZ Says:

    Dont forget they are strong enough to bite straight through a toenail too…

  5. Matt Says:

    Australia is definitely #WINNING on the marsupial front !!!

  6. Antipodean Marsupial Comparison, Round II « The Tizona Group Says:

    […] Quite. […]

  7. J.M. Heinrichs Says:


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