A Typical Meeting of the Social Commenters Union #172
by Sean’s Vibe of you don’t want to know
(excerpt previously published at Blair News)
recently overheard at a coffee shop :
(Janine I, wearing a trench coat, enters, sits and begins eating the sugar packets – the entire packet)
(Sean of Shellharbour enters wearing a trench coat and carrying his own cup of coffee)
(Peter C. Jones enters wearing a trench coat and goes from table to table telling each person at the table that he hates them)
(Richard Ryan enters wearing a trench coat, possibly with nothing underneath)
(Bill enters wearing a trench coat and a massive aluminium foil hat with a satellite TV dish at its pinnacle. He zooms around and around the table with his arms outstretched making jet noises.)
Bill : I can’t make today’s meeting. I’ve figured out how their thought transmitters work and I’m going to spend the day transmitting.
Janine : (whispering) Bill! Sshhh! We’re are trying to keep a low profile so the evil VRWC can’t peep on our meetings.
Bill : (whispering) Oh, sorry guys. (makes motor boat noises and exits)
Janine : (stands and clears her throat) Attention! Attention everyone! I now call this meeting of the Social Commenters Union No. 172 to order!
Peter C. Jones : (stands and points at Sean) I denounce Seany of Shellharboury! I submit that he is obviously a brainless right wing hack!
Sean : (his lower lip trembles)
Janine : Now, Peter, you know we already did a full body strip search of Sean and while embarrassing to all involved it didn’t find a single sign of him being part of the VRWC!
Peter C. Jones : (leans over to Janine) Never mind that, did you see what I did there?
Janine : (a quizzical look)
Peter C. Jones : “Seany”
Janine : Oh my! You brilliant, super smart, genius! If I wasn’t so busy sneering at you I’d kiss you. You took his name and added a “y” to the end!
Sean : (starts crying, sobbing)
Janine : Devastating! We should publish a peer reviewed study that will prove that there is no possible defense to such a logical attack. I mean “Seany” *almost* rhymes with wienie! Just devastating!
Sean : (starts sobbing) S-s-s-s-spite (sniffles) c-c-cluuuuuuub! (more sobbing)
(Janine begins eating the packets of cream at the table)
Sean : (in sotto voice) m-m-my vibe dingbat loves me…
Richard Ryan : YES, I have no bananas
Janine : It’ll be ok, Sean, do you have any plans?
Sean : Yes, I have a crush on a girl named Penelope. She has that older librarian look I like. I want to talk to her and let her know how totally awesome I am but when I tried I sat on a metal chair and she kept asking me if my phone was vibrating and shouldn’t I answer it. I didn’t know what to do.
Richard Ryan : HAVE you tried stalking her? MAYBE leaving comments on the internet telling her you wish she was dead? I’M pretty sure that works.
Sean : Richard, you are one crazy bastard.
Richard Ryan : (smiles and blushes)
(Janine begins emptying the salt shaker into the right hand pocket of her trench coat)
Sean : I still have a crush on Obama, too. My fantasy is to…
Janine : Sean, I meant do you have any plans about your postings?
Sean : Oh, I’ve been researching this for weeks; Nazis can’t be socialist because the word socialism starts with an “s” and there isn’t a single “s” in the word Nazi!! The VRWC must have spent years falsifying books and historical records to include Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei. I don’t understand how those morons fall for it. Those aren’t even real words.
Janine : Brilliant! You’ll show them. We must be the smartest people on – no, people is too ethnocentric – We must be the smartest cellular organisms on the planet.
Sean : You know, batteries should be considered a human right and be paid for by government vouchers.