From An Inside Source

A Typical Meeting of the Social Commenters Union #172
by Sean’s Vibe of you don’t want to know
(excerpt previously published at Blair News)

recently overheard at a coffee shop :
(Janine I, wearing a trench coat, enters, sits and begins eating the sugar packets – the entire packet)
(Sean of Shellharbour enters wearing a trench coat and carrying his own cup of coffee)
(Peter C. Jones enters wearing a trench coat and goes from table to table telling each person at the table that he hates them)
(Richard Ryan enters wearing a trench coat, possibly with nothing underneath)
(Bill enters wearing a trench coat and a massive aluminium foil hat with a satellite TV dish at its pinnacle. He zooms around and around the table with his arms outstretched making jet noises.)
Bill : I can’t make today’s meeting. I’ve figured out how their thought transmitters work and I’m going to spend the day transmitting.
Janine : (whispering) Bill! Sshhh! We’re are trying to keep a low profile so the evil VRWC can’t peep on our meetings.
Bill : (whispering) Oh, sorry guys. (makes motor boat noises and exits)
Janine : (stands and clears her throat) Attention! Attention everyone! I now call this meeting of the Social Commenters Union No. 172 to order!
Peter C. Jones : (stands and points at Sean) I denounce Seany of Shellharboury! I submit that he is obviously a brainless right wing hack!
Sean : (his lower lip trembles)
Janine : Now, Peter, you know we already did a full body strip search of Sean and while embarrassing to all involved it didn’t find a single sign of him being part of the VRWC!
Peter C. Jones : (leans over to Janine) Never mind that, did you see what I did there?
Janine : (a quizzical look)
Peter C. Jones : “Seany”
Janine : Oh my! You brilliant, super smart, genius! If I wasn’t so busy sneering at you I’d kiss you. You took his name and added a “y” to the end!
Sean : (starts crying, sobbing)
Janine : Devastating! We should publish a peer reviewed study that will prove that there is no possible defense to such a logical attack. I mean “Seany” *almost* rhymes with wienie! Just devastating!
Sean : (starts sobbing) S-s-s-s-spite (sniffles) c-c-cluuuuuuub! (more sobbing)
(Janine begins eating the packets of cream at the table)
Sean : (in sotto voice) m-m-my vibe dingbat loves me…
Richard Ryan : YES, I have no bananas
Janine : It’ll be ok, Sean, do you have any plans?
Sean : Yes, I have a crush on a girl named Penelope. She has that older librarian look I like. I want to talk to her and let her know how totally awesome I am but when I tried I sat on a metal chair and she kept asking me if my phone was vibrating and shouldn’t I answer it. I didn’t know what to do.
Richard Ryan : HAVE you tried stalking her? MAYBE leaving comments on the internet telling her you wish she was dead? I’M pretty sure that works.
Sean : Richard, you are one crazy bastard.
Richard Ryan : (smiles and blushes)
(Janine begins emptying the salt shaker into the right hand pocket of her trench coat)
Sean : I still have a crush on Obama, too. My fantasy is to…
Janine : Sean, I meant do you have any plans about your postings?
Sean : Oh, I’ve been researching this for weeks; Nazis can’t be socialist because the word socialism starts with an “s” and there isn’t a single “s” in the word Nazi!! The VRWC must have spent years falsifying books and historical records to include Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei. I don’t understand how those morons fall for it. Those aren’t even real words.
Janine : Brilliant! You’ll show them. We must be the smartest people on – no, people is too ethnocentric – We must be the smartest cellular organisms on the planet.
Sean : You know, batteries should be considered a human right and be paid for by government vouchers.

Posted in Temp. 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “From An Inside Source”

  1. spot_the_dog Says:

    I miss Bryla. Gun-hedz.


    • Col. Milquetoast Says:

      Bryla, the portly Jesus! I’d almost forgotten about him. I wonder if he’s been dressing up as anyone else lately?

  2. Merilyn Says:

    That was very well executed, er I mean very well written.

    • Col. Milquetoast Says:

      Thank you (bows). For those who don’t remember : Bill was posting at Blair’s about a year ago and was extraordinarily angry and incoherent.

      BTW, I really do suspect that in real life Richard Ryan’s solution to all of life’s everyday problems is to tell someone he wishes they were dead. For example, when Richard Ryan runs out of milk his initial response is to get online and wish the cow who produced it and everyone involved in its production would die.

    • spot_the_dog Says:

      Yes, Bill was very special indeed.

    • Col. Milquetoast Says:

      Okay, I may have portrayed Bill too sympathetically and considerably less crazy than he actually was.

    • spot_the_dog Says:

      I think we copped the comments that Tran & Nkomo rejected.

  3. Carpe Jugulum Says:

    Champagne Comedy…………..i shall have a tipple to salute you 🙂

  4. rjryan Says:

    I love fish and chips..

    • Carpe Jugulum Says:

      Do you mean love as in “i enjoy eating” or love as in “i’m gonna need to soak my eyes in bleach”?????

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