So it went down like this

Believe it not but I’m pretty connected, and as such was having a chat with Gemma Arterton about what she thinks about Sarah Palin running for president.

Gemma was nude but for an Australian flag wrapped around her lithe bod and a low fat vegan rye bread sandwich in her hand.

But that’s what you get a few minutes after someone like the bingster pulls up to the lights in his Peugot 907, sees her having a giggle with Danica Patrick, and invites her (er, Gemma) for a ride having promised she could pat my pet koala army.

Anyway, believe it or not, knowing I wasn’t playing funny dogs, she just went harpy eagle over her disdain for Michelle Obama. Said she loved the Obama Countdown Clock!

Even though my hand was begging to be a Brazilian Wandering Spider, I figured doing a Steve Urkel just for a bit would get her puffin a lot more in the long run… so long as that weird prick didn’t do some goatse crap or anything like that.

Sure, I’m a bit of an Australian spider, but I needed her to think I was more like Neil fucking Armstrong from the Apollo 11 rather than anything else.

Anyway, managed to swing it, and as it turns out, the liberal Gemma is quite the fan of the idea of “Sarah Palin bikini”.

I guess with a figure like that, and seated next to a Right dork replete in his mankini, one can’t exactly drool-think “donuts”.

Fair enough.

And Gemma thought the same.

Within minutes she was on the phone to Danica Patrick AND Mieke Buchan AND Kristiana Loken, and well folks, I was at the supermarket (and one that still has checkout chicks btw… like IGA) of beautiful women!

And it would have been a beautiful ending right there, but then Ann Coulter called. Whipped me right into line.

Oh, God! The shame!

How could a wholesome Righty even THINK such things?!?!?

Metaphorically, I was bound and gagged.

My lawyers have advised me to repeat: “metaphorically”.

The Paul Ehrlich Method for Picking Up Chicks

the back cover of the Population Bomb

The Paul Ehrlich Method for Picking Up Chicks is based on an assertion made on the back cover of The Population Bomb by Paul R. Ehrlich. Take careful note of inalienable right #11 : “The right to have grandchildren.”

What you need : the book the Population Bomb, a girl

How it works :

Step 1 : find a girl, approach her and get her mother’s phone number
Step 2 : convince her mother how awesome you are and why you would make a great father
Step 3 : explain to the girl in step one that while it is unfortunate that her mother’s positive right to grandchildren infringes on her right to make her own decisions it remains that this (hold up book and wave it about) says her mother has “the right to have grandchildren” and the decision has been made so the daughter has a duty to oblige or else she will be violating her mother’s rights.
Step 4 : profit

Go ahead and try it : no guarantees are offered or implied.

Also note inalienable right #6 : “The right to avoid regimentation” From a book whose main message is shut up and be controlled. Here is the full list of asserted rights on the back cover.

(inside the book, a list of rights is given to be used as a response to anyone who claims individuals should have the right to decide how many children they have. The idea is that multiple rights (to grandchildren, to enjoy natural beauty etc) by sheer numbers outweigh any single right. I’d also say it is intended to devalue the idea of rights.)