“And I put one in my arse”, says future MENSA candidate.

This story from Australias best newspaper will bring tears to your eyes.

Its the story of a young man pushing back the boundaries of science in his quest for knowledge, pyrotchnics and human endurance.

But seriously how can you go past a front page like this one…

Genius, pure genius.

 

A few choice highlights from the reporting.

A MAN who suffered serious burns when friends lit a firecracker in his bum says he was just showing his visiting mates a Territory good time.

Alex Bowden, 23, of Wagaman, Darwin, put a spinning “flying bee” winged firework in his butt crack during a party at a rented house on Rossiter St, Rapid Creek on Saturday night.

His mate Todd Lovell lit the fuse.

“I had a few lads up from Queensland and I had to put on a good show,”

…..

“It didn’t burn my balls or my back,” the fitter and turner said. “Just my fingers and my arse. “It was a pretty loose one, hey.”

….

His mate Reece McEwen said: “He screamed a little bit and there were a fair few f-words”.

But Mr Bowden denied that there were tears.

“You can’t sit here crying,” he said.

 

Anfd how is his family coping with the shame and embarassment??

Mr Bowen said his mother “thought it was funny”.

Moo-Dog

That is all.

via the wonderful @LATunleashed. CLICK

Ode to Alene (apols. White Stripes) [Update: ABC moosed] [More Updates: #POPCORN!]

Alene Alene Alene Ale-eeene

I’m begging of you, please don’t leave your fans
Alene Alene Alene Ale-eeene
please don’t leave us just because you can
your snarkage is beyond compare
with flaming gobs of overshare
with shell-thin skin
and eyes of bilious green
your blog is such a poisonous thing
of your moose knuckles we do sing
Tim Blair cannot compete with you Alene
Bolt talks about you in his sleep
and there is nothing they can do to keep
from crying when we call your name, Alene
Alene Alene Alene Ale-eeene
I’m begging of you please don’t leave your fans
Alene Alene Alene Ale-eeene
please don’t leave us even though you can
well we can’t easily understand
how you can easily leave your fans
you do not know what you mean to us Alene
well you could have your choice of friends
but we could never laugh again
you’re the only one for us Alene
and I had to had to have this talk with you
my happiness depends on you
and whatever you decide to do Alene
Alene Alene Alene Ale-eeene
We’re begging of you please don’t leave your fans
please don’t leave us
even though you can
~dissolves into anguished sobs~

Show your support for Alene – vote here:

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UPDATE:   Has Our ABC been moose’d ?  See comment below, then updates at Bolt’s, and this by Beck.

UPDATE 2:   So, whodunnit?  Your guesses here.

UPDATE 3:   MOOSE TRAP [Tim Blair]

UPDATE 4:  Bolt – “This is unbelievable. Insane anti-Liberal hatred is now so mainstream that not only is the most florid facsimile of it by a parodist published, no questions asked, by the ABC, but the Sydney Morning Herald still treats it as genuine even after the ABC very belatedly smells a rat.” CLICK

UPDATE 5:  Tim Blair responds to ABC online editor Jonathan “It was plausible!” Green – “I know this, son: if someone came to me with a story about moose and genitals and a female Labor premier, it’d have to pass some serious tests prior to publication.”  Click for more.

UPDATE 6:  She’s baaaaack! #WINNING

UPDATE 7:   Unjustly accused! Oh, c’mon guys.  Lies and calumny!

UPDATE 8:  Alene Composta {hearts} Jonathan Holmes! And Bolt has a look at Alene’s email to Jonathan Green.

UPDATE 9:  Oh, my.  Andrew Bolt’s column pinging Jonathan Green and “our” ABC; Tim Blair has the Compleat Composta Timeline; and yes: it is just like a “Car Crash In Slow Motion”.

UPDATE 10:  For any newcomers, I suggest you start with Tim Blair’s timeline of L’Affaire Composta which takes you from the beginning to today (19 March) and work your way back.

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Crazy dog man!

It’s good to see suburban Australia still has well-balanced chaps like this on in it.

Ht: Shadowlands

Now this is lateral thinking…

I dont quite know whether to be appalled at the stupidity or impressed by the lateral thinking shown by the driver of this car.

The worst thing is, it worked well enough for them to get to the local shops.

Can you see it yet?

Another long shot.

Yes, its a garden hose.for.a.tire..

Now just how much work has gone into this dodgy brothers effort??

So there you have it, Leonardo Da Bogan, inventor exroadinare!!

Bill killed

Like no one doesn’t know already. Kung Fu was a bit before my time but he’s simply awesome in Kill Bill 2.

Still, what is it with this rope-neck-sack thing? First Hutchence, then CNN’s Richard Quest, and now Carradine. What ever happened to regular coitus?

Russian Scientist: UFO Self-Sacrificed to Save Earth at Tunguska

Courtesy of MINA (You’ve never heard of MINA? The Macedonian International News Agency?), comes the umpteenth story about the 1908 Tunguska Event and a possible UFO.

Get a load of this.

“Aliens downed Tunguska meteorite to protect our planet from devastation, stated Russian scientist Yuriy Lavbin about the 100 year old mystery surrounding the massive Siberian explosion. He showed 10 quartz crystals that he found at the place of the meteorite’s crash. Several of the crystals have holes in between, so they can be united in a chain.

– What could this chain serve for? Besides, some crystals have strange drawings on them. We don’t have any technologies that can print such kind of drawings on crystals. We also found ferrum silicate that can not be produced anywhere, except in space”, – the scientist stated.”

OoooooooooooKay. I’m sure aliens with technology so superior to ours that it’s indistinguishable from magic to us… wouldn’t have any higher tech material than quartz to make a control panel from.

Personally, I prefer this highly logical and scientific explanation.

Artist's Conception of 1908 Tunguska Blast

Celebrate Human Achievement Hour! (Al Gore UPDATE!)

To correspond with, “Earth Hour” The Competitive Enterprise Institute has organized Human Achievement Hour. So, when the leftards are turning off all their lights – an hour from now – I’m going to boot up all four computers in the house, connect them all to my AirPort Extreme Base Station, have one monitoring my eMail, one downloading pr0n, one streaming audio, and I’ll surf on the remaining one (The PowerMac G5 2.3 GHz Dual Core/23″ Cinema HD Display model that draws about 250-300 watts of electricity), while watching TV in a window to the right.

Simultaneously, I’m going to turn on every light in the house, turn the thermostat up to 78 degrees, and open every door to the outside so I’m heating the entire neighborhood. Then, I’ll fire up the gas grill in the back yard and grill a couple of steaks.

I HOPE I’m setting a good example for CHANGE.

UPDATE: Evidentally, Al Gore, that champion of Teh Earth, followed my lead and left his tree-illuminating flood lights on during Teh Earth Hour.

“The kicker, though, were the dozen or so floodlights grandly highlighting several trees and illuminating the driveway entrance of Gore’s mansion.

I [kid] [shit – Beef] you not, my friends, the savior of the environment couldn’t be bothered to turn off the gaudy lights that show off his goofy trees.”

I’m only shamed by the fact that Al used more electricity and emitted more carbon than I did during Teh Earth Hour.

Actor, Democrat turned Conservative Ron Silver has Died

Ron Silver in The Shadow Zone

Actor and post-9/11 conservative activist Ron Silver has died of cancer. He was only 62 years old.

“Actor and longtime political activist Ron Silver died this morning, succumbing to a long battle with cancer, friends of the liberal Democrat-turned-GOP stalwart told The Post.

“Ron Silver died peacefully in his sleep with his family around him this morning,” said Robin Bronk, executive director of the Creative Coalition, which Silver helped create.”

Godspeed Ron, I enjoyed your work immensely.

The Cowboy Way

In a polite rejoinder to a not-very-polite critic of another post here earlier this morning, our Angus Dei finished his comment with “Though I’m a knuckle-dragging cowboy, I still help out when and where I can. It’s called, ‘The Cowboy Way,’ and it rivals any Oriental philosophy …” That comment inspired me to dig up some of the various “Cowboy Creeds” we collected and printed up for a little wannabe-cowboy relative of mine.

Be patient; takes a while to load.  Enjoy.

Sierpiński Valentine from xkcd

Pssst… for the Arts Graduates

-via the always excellent xkcd.com

Happy Birthday to Sarah Palin (via The Black Sphere)

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A Birthday Tribute to Governor Sarah Palin.

By honorary-Australian-any-old-time-he-finally-manages-to-get-his-butt-down-here Kevin Jackson of The Black Sphere.

Couldn’t have said it any better myself, so I’m not even gonna try.  I may not be real smart, but I’m smart enough to know when I’m beat. 😉

Seriously.  READ IT.

And while you’re there, have a browse through the site & the left sidebar.  Lots of good stuff there, about Kevin and what he’s about, about others on his team & how to support them.  Heaps good links ‘n’ stuff, plus Obama photoshops galore.  Plus the Black Sphere Radio Show links (which I’m not smart enough to embed directly – failed the “fetch” unit an’ all).

Bonus! There’s a Perth connection (there’s always a Perth connection, watch any Perth news broadcast, ask any0ne sheltering a piece of Skylab in their back shed, ask John Glenn!) , as one of Kev’s team members Dave (now in Texas)  lived in Mt Pleasant (a Perth suburb) in the early 70’s whilst his father, a Geophysicist, worked out in the Great Sandy.

Perth/Western Australia and North Carolina – the two main nexuses (nexii?) of the universe.  Forget that “six degrees of separation” stuff, with WA and NC there’re never more than two or three degrees of separation between any major world event and these two places.  Honest.

Now.  Go away and read.

*(update below the fold)*

Update on Sam the Koala, Bushfire Survivor [with video]

CFA volunteer David Tree helps a distressed koala in burnt-out forest at Mirboo North. Pic: Russell Vickery

UPDATE on yesterday’s post, “Here you go, Mate” — Hope from the Ashes

*New pictures, updates and new video below the fold to save loading time…

Photo & Video: “Here you go, Mate” — Hope From the Ashes

From the Melbourne Herald Sun:

CFA volunteer David Tree helps a distressed koala in burnt-out forest at Mirboo North. Pic: Russell Vickery

UPDATE : Please send your message of support to the fire crews battling the bushfires here – at the moment there are 2108 messages – please add yours!  And go here or here to find out how you can help.

UPDATE #2: The Australian Bushfires: An Ongoing News & Comment Round-Up

UPDATE: #3:   By popular request,  “How You Can Help – Animal Edition” – what you can do to help those like Sam the Koala!

UPDATE #4:  See here for Update on Sam the Koala, Bushfire Survivor with more photos and video, and indepth follow-up story.  Sam is in good hands now and doing well.

UPDATE #5: The Southern Ash Wildlife Shelter which is now caring for Sam and other koalas that were burnt on 7 February 2009 now have a website with more great photos of and information about Sam the Koala, and they’ll be keeping it updated.  They are also, of course, looking for help in caring for her and the many other animals they’ve taken in.   http://www.samthekoala.com.au/

Pictures below the fold to save loading time:

The Australian Bushfires: An Ongoing News & Comment Round-Up [Updated]

Yesterday Nilk wrote an excellent post here at Tizona on the recent (ongoing) bushfire disaster here in Australia, and because of the number of hits it’s attracted and because of the still ongoing nature of the disaster, I thought I’d put together a collection of links in chronological order to the many updated reports both the Sydney Daily Telegraph’s Tim Blair and the Melbourne Herald Sun’s Andrew Bolt have been posting on this.

I’ll start with the first piece I saw, which was Andrew Bolt’s from Saturday night (Feb 7th) and continue in chronological order with his subsequent posts, then I’ll move on to Tim Blair’s from Sunday morning (Feb 8th) and similarly continue in chronological order with his subsequent posts.

Please please please, feel free to add via comments any other links you want added, and I’ll check back in the morning and add them in, and generally try to keep this updated as a general resource clearing-house, especially for our friends overseas who are touchingly concerned but are some of them having trouble finding very much news coverage or commentary on the issue.

All of the pieces linked below  have multiple updates, links to other news sources, and vivid if heartbreaking pictures, as well as Tim’s and Andrew’s commentary on many of the issues this disaster has brought up.

**List of links below the fold:

Funeral Service for Ashleah Emery (update)

From the Melbourne Herald Sun:

Ashleah EMERY — Funeral Service

Herald Sun|27 January 2009

A Funeral Service to
celebrate the life of Ashleah
Emery will be held at 12 Lyons
Drive, Selby on SATURDAY
(Jan. 31, 2009) at 3.00 p.m.

A Private Cremantion

For recent posts on this blog on the sudden and tragic loss of Ashleah Emery, administrator of this blog and popular participant on Tim Blair’s and Andrew Bolt’s blogs, see here (details) and here (memorial page).

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UPDATE: For some reason (maybe being an old Carolinian myself), the following song by James Taylor keeps popping into my head these last couple of weeks.  It’s that last verse that does it for me.  Video & lyrics below the fold.

The Tizona Group has Lost a Precious Member

We of the administrative and editorial group at Tizona have suffered a tragic and devastating loss, as our administrator, Ash, was killed in a single vehicle accident. However, our loss pales next to that of her family, and our thoughts and prayers are with them all.

Ashleah was only twenty-two years old.

Ash was invited into The Tizona Group by the founder of our blog, and she was always a bit of a mystery to me, as she was to the rest of the administrative group. I don’t believe any of us ever actually met her personally, though some did speak to her by telephone, and we all had email exchanges with her from time to time.

As for myself, since I live in the US and Ash was Australian, these email conversations were often at very strange hours, which was a treat for me as I keep a bizarre musician’s schedule. Ash always struck me as very intelligent and well informed – quite remarkably so given her tender years – and it was always a distinct pleasure to correspond with her.

Though she leaves several unsolvable mysteries in her wake, one thing that was no mystery was the invaluable nature of her contribution to our weblog. I called Ash, “the enforcer” because she was such a dogged and tireless patroller of our reader comment sections, and she also brought a valued woman’s perspective to questions regarding the direction of our efforts. Plus, if any of us knot-headed editors forgot things like tagging posts, she always caught and fixed the errors and oversights… followed by an email admonishment, of course.

To say that Ash will be missed around here is an unfathomable understatement, but there are no words to adequately express how much of a void she and her work will leave at The Tizona Group. Nor are there any words that could properly express the profound sadness of we of the administrative group over this incomprehensible tragedy.

If you would like to pay your respects or post remembrances of Ash in the comments section, please do, but keep in mind that we will be sending this thread to her parents, so any and all offensive posts will be deleted.

In lieu of words, I simply offer a recording I made of Tears in the Rain by Joe Satriani.

Rest in Peace and Godspeed, Ashleah.

McCain’s Perfect Choice for a Running Mate: Governor Sarah Palin

While most of the pedantic, two-dimensional, inside-the-box-thinking, conservative political hacks are touting Tom Ridge for the slot (Not a bad guy, but…), David Freddoso notes a far superior choice has been proposed: The Republican Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.

I believe this is a truly inspired idea. Gov. Palin ran as an anti-corruption outsider, and handily defeated a corrupt and entrenched Republican political machine. Plus, at 44, she would almost totally wipe the “age issue” McCain has off the slate, and since Obama is only two years her senior, there is no way they could attack her for her youth and inexperience: She has much more executive experience than Senator Obama has.

Not to mention the fact that, she’s a gorgeous woman who exudes mass quantities of charisma…

and has a super-solid family life.

Dibs on the eldest daughter! LOL!

This inspired choice would allow McCain to actually capitalize on his “maverick” persona, as Gov. Palin shook Alaska politics to the core: She’s a charming, charismatic woman, but she can also play with the big boys and kick ass.

What say ye?

UPDATE: Things are looking optimistic!

UPDATE II: Welcome to all 4500 8000 40,000 in the past few hours (so far!) people visiting us from Google. We’re a fairly opinionated right-wing blog, and you might like to take a look at our “About” page. You might also be interested in our other coverage of Sarah Palin and whether she becomes a prospective Vice President of the United States. You can find this coverage here and here. Personally, I hope she does, but you can feel free to debate the idea in comments below. All first comments are moderated, but unless you either insult or use severe profanity (and I mean severe by my standards, which generally only means the C U Next Tuesday word or the implication that someone has had a rather enjoyable erotic experience with someone who has borne a child), however if you come up with a new one, I may simply delete your comment. I, and all other contributors to this blog are more than fair in what we permit.

UPDATE III: Nayr Drahcir, don’t bother even trying. You will not be published.

UPDATE IV: A lot of people must like Palin.

UPDATE V: More coverage of Governor Sarah Palin and a theme song here.

UPDATE VI: Funniest observation on the announcement yet: “Put Obama and Palin on a basketball court one on one. Winner takes all!”

UPDATE VII: [spot_the_dog] No, we do not have any pictures of “Sarah Palin + Naked,” nor do we have any of “Sarah Palin + Swimsuit.” In the past 24 hours, there have been 157 separate searches on this site for “Sarah Palin Swimsuit,” and 161 separate searches for “Sarah Palin Naked.” I repeat, we have no bathing suit, swim suit, bikini, or naked pictures of Sarah Palin. What kind of people do you think we are, anyway? 😉

UPDATE VIIa: [spot_the_dog] Ace has noticed a similar search phenomenon on his blog and has a theory…

UPDATE VIII: A well-rounded view of the selection of Sarah Palin for the Vice President Nomination can be found here.

UPDATE IX:  We got it!  YES!  Nude photo of Sarah Palin right here!  (C’mon.  You know you want to click.)

UPDATE X: Feel free to visit our main page and read the latest posts we’ve written.

Joe Satriani Sues Coldplay Over Viva La Vida

Satch is suing Coldplay over their mega-hit Viva La Vida.

Seems like a blatant rip-off to me.

Same melody, same chord progression, same key, and same tempo. Whisky Tango Foxtrot?!

Hope Joe gets a fortune for this. People who rip off other people’s music and claim it as their own are lower than lawyers.

Theres a little bit of me in every mouthfull…

I tried to resist but i have to put this little story on.

Man caught with penis in pasta jar … near Nobbys Beach

A man caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/nobbys-beach-flasher-had-a-sauce/2008/11/20/1226770627447.html

As my missus is wont to say “what is it about you men and your dicks, isnt there anything you wont stick it in?”. (I think the answer to that is probably….no)

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”.

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

The Jack Russell is still having counselling as we speak…

I know one thing, Im not going to this blokes place for dinner.

Sarah Palin Calls Rush Limbaugh: Unscripted, On the Record

Sarah Palin, while running to a campaign gig, picked up her cell phone and dialed El Rushbo.

“RUSH: This is an attempt by the media to make you stop being who you are. What it means is, they’re really worried about the effectiveness that you have.

GOVERNOR PALIN: Well, yeah, I guess that message is they do want me to sit down and shut up. But that’s not going to happen. I care too much about this great country.”

You’ve got to read the whole enchilada.

Sarah Palin is my ultimate fantasy babe. LOL!

Palin Will Be Palin… Thank God (Updated)

The McCain campaign, staffed by retards evidently, has said more than once that Obama’s scumbag terrorist friends, Ayers and Dohrn, and his Anti-American Anti-Pastor, Jeremiah Wright, should be off limits as campaign targets. Well, Sarah will be Sarah, so just as she went around all of the corrupt Alaska Republican douchbags, she’s going around the Short Bus Riders in the McCain campaign as well… praise Jesus.

“CLEARWATER, Fla.: Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential candidate, tells columnist Bill Kristol she doesn’t know why Barack Obama’s former pastor is off-limits for discussion, calling his anti-American and anti-Semitic remarks ‘appalling.'”

Even Hillary Clinton doesn’t have the ovaries for this level of play (Obviously: Hillary had one child, while Palin has five). Palin is, in essence, telling the morons in the McCain Campaign Special School to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

If McCain wins this race, he’ll have Palin’s fearlessness and astute political intuition to thank. Of course, she’ll probably be blamed if he loses as well.

I’m really starting to enjoy this.

UPDATE: Ha! Watch this clip as Palin eviscerates a heckler at one of her speeches (It’s at the end).

Yeah, just a fluffy bunny. LOL!

Paul Newman has Died

I know both Nilk and I have been dreading this day, a day we both knew was sadly coming for some time.

Paul Newman: Epitome of Cool

Being fifty, I grew up watching this guy act. To me, he was always cooler than Brando or James Dean. Only Charlton Heston and John Wayne were bigger favorites of mine, but hey, Heston did all those big Biblical epics I love and Wayne… well WTF can you say about Wayne that hasn’t been said a million, jillion times before? Bogart’s in there too, somewhere, along with McQueen.

Oh, I almost forgot: FUCK CANCER!

Best. Obituary. EVER.

Well, it is.

DOUGLAS — A celebration of life for James William “Jim” Adams, 53, will be held at a later date.

He died Tuesday, Sept. 9, 2008 at Memorial Hospital of Converse County in Douglas.

Jim, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other’s courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle. It was primarily as a result of being stubborn and not following doctor’s orders or maybe for just living life a little too hard for better than five decades.

He was born June 8, 1955 in Garrison, N.D. the son of James William and Ruby Helen (Clark) Adams.

He was sadly deprived of his final wish, which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a date. True to his personal style, he spent his final hours joking with medical personnel, cussing and begging for narcotics and bargaining with God to look over his loving dog, Biscuit, and his family.

He would like to thank all “his ladies” for putting up with him the last 30 years.

During his life, he excelled at anything he put his mind to. He loved to hear and tell jokes and spin tales of grand adventures he may or may not have had.

He is survived by five sons, Jeremiah Adams and his wife, Nicole, Mica Olivas, Wade Olivas, Brice Simpson and Cole Adams; sister, Jerri Giegerich; two ex-wives, Vickie Harrison and Marilyn Williams; four grandchildren; two nieces; and two great-nieces.

He was preceded in death by his parents and a brother-in-law.

In lieu of flowers, he asks that you make a sizeable purchase at your favorite watering hole, get rip roaring drunk and tell the stories he no longer can.

–via Tim Blair

New McCain-Palin Ad: Democrat Shysters= Wolves

Now we’re talking! Anyone who trashes lawyers is on my team.

This ad is in response to the well known story that the Democtats have sent thirty (!) scum-sucking, maggot-out-of-hell shysters to Alaska to try and dig up dirt on Gov. Palin. Excellent!

Here is the FactCheck article quoted in the ad, which summarizes thusly:

We’ve been flooded for the past few days with queries about dubious Internet postings and mass e-mail messages making claims about McCain’s running mate, Gov. Palin. We find that many are completely false, or misleading.
Palin did not cut funding for special needs education in Alaska by 62 percent. She didn’t cut it at all. In fact, she tripled per-pupil funding over just three years.
She did not demand that books be banned from the Wasilla library. Some of the books on a widely circulated list were not even in print at the time. The librarian has said Palin asked a “What if?” question, but the librarian continued in her job through most of Palin’s first term.
She was never a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, a group that wants Alaskans to vote on whether they wish to secede from the United States. She’s been registered as a Republican since May 1982.

Palin never endorsed or supported Pat Buchanan for president. She once wore a Buchanan button as a “courtesy” when he visited Wasilla, but shortly afterward she was appointed to co-chair of the campaign of Steve Forbes in the state.

Palin has not pushed for teaching creationism in Alaska’s schools. She has said that students should be allowed to “debate both sides” of the evolution question, but she also said creationism “doesn’t have to be part of the curriculum.”

The entire article is quite long and detailed. Will any leftards read it? Um, no – they are ADD-addled mental midgets incapable of reading a detailed analysis that destroys their alternate-universe world views.