An informal group blog featuring posts on a wide variety of subjects by a crew of authors in several different countries. Just sit back, have some fun, and maybe learn something.
If you've got any tips or suggestions, feel free to email us at TizonasWeblog at gmail.com, and one of us will get back to you.
With all the hoohah over the past few days over PM Gillard’s carbon (dioxide!) tax, it’s perhaps easy to forget some of the other current stuff-ups Labor is actively involved with.
Ten weeks on and there’s still no deal with Malaysia over a refugee swap.
There’s the mining super profits tax – not just the carbon tax – that our biggest industry with have to put up with.
There’s the $36 billion NBN that still somehow has to be paid for. Meanwhile, a bloke who just bought a new house can’t get a copper phone line connected – Telstra have stopped doing that – and has to wait three-odd years for his fibre cable.
The suspension, prompted by cruelty concerns, was lifted last week and Indonesia plans to issue fresh import permits to get things moving over the next three months.
But Gulf Savannah Development says trade is still dependent on permits flowing through quickly.
The group’s chairman, Carpentaria Shire mayor Fred Pascoe, said it could take years to recover the costs from missing an important trading period with Indonesia.
“To be honest, I think we’d rather front a category 5 cyclone than the high pressure storm created by the government,” he said.
Mr Pascoe said it could take months to re-establish supply chain protocols.
Meanwhile, the Queensland manager of Australia’s largest livestock transport company doubts business will ever be the same.
It all began when a TSA employee used himself for a demo full body scan using those new airport full body scanners. His co-workers then relentlessly mocked him for a year for being under endowed before he lost it, and beat the crap out of one. Details.
Of course, we wouldn’t need full body scanners if…
“Larry Ellison’s boat USA won a convincing victory on Friday over Ernesto Bertarelli’s Alinghi in the first race of the 2010 America’s Cup off Valencia, Spain.
One more win in the best-of-three series would allow Mr Ellison’s BMW Oracle team to secure the cup from Alinghi, the defender, at the end of a bitter, three-year legal battle that has pitted the two billionaires against each other and excluded teams from other countries such as the UK, China and New Zealand.
The USA trimaran – a lightweight, three-hulled boat – boasted a revolutionary wing larger than the wing of an Airbus A380 superjumbo jet, instead of a conventional sail.
As expected, the wing drove the trimaran fast and close to the wind in the initial upwind leg of 20 nautical miles after an awkward start that left Alinghi with a penalty and USA stalled on the start line.
To the surprise of many sailing experts, however, the BMW Oracle boat also performed better than the two-hulled Alinghi catamaran in the downwind leg to the finish, although the lightness of the wind was expected to favour Alinghi, which is believed to weigh less.”
These aren’t the boats I remember from earlier years, but I still love this race series.
Quick call the Whhhaaaambulance! A mock ad for NZ airlines has a few of the easily offended brigade up in arms.
The ad is a mock nature documentary on “cougars” , those near mythical ladies of a certain age who’s prey is younger blokes.
The offence is at how the ladies are portrayed as “on the hunt”, but funnily enough no complaint about how the blokes are portrayed as “monkey men”, huddled in a group and scratching in a simian fashion.
Anyway heres the ad, I think its funny myself.
Oh and for those offended, I hope you can produce your offended letters you wrote to this show as well….
Thank Goodness The Wizard of WOZ sent me this after my recent trip to Australia and back. I can’t verify the authenticity, but who cares?
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers.
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”
Tower: “TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
TWA 2341: “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
Tower: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your last known position?”
Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.”
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted:
“American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”
Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?”
Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers.”
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: ” Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, — And I didn’t land.”
While taxiing at London’s Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727..
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!”
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:”Wasn’t I married to you once?”
I should be so cocky. The flight out of Narita had to return to base. Air-conditioning problem they reckoned. Next day, heard anecdotal claims flames were seen coming from one on the engines during takeoff the night before.
Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson drives the new Honda Insight.
“Much has been written about the Insight, Honda’s new low-priced hybrid. We’ve been told how much carbon dioxide it produces, how its dashboard encourages frugal driving by glowing green when you’re easy on the throttle and how it is the dawn of all things. The beginning of days.
So far, though, you have not been told what it’s like as a car; as a tool for moving you, your friends and your things from place to place.
So here goes. It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.”
Oh, Jeremy’s just warming up.
“The Honda’s petrol engine is a much-shaved, built-for-economy, low-friction 1.3 that, at full chat, makes a noise worse than someone else’s crying baby on an airliner. It’s worse than the sound of your parachute failing to open. Really, to get an idea of how awful it is, you’d have to sit a dog on a ham slicer.”
Now he’s in full song.
“Because the Honda has two motors, one that runs on petrol and one that runs on batteries, it is more expensive to make than a car that has one. But since the whole point of this car is that it could be sold for less than Toyota’s Smugmobile, the engineers have plainly peeled the suspension components to the bone. The result is a ride that beggars belief.
There’s more. Normally, Hondas feel as though they have been screwed together by eye surgeons. This one, however, feels as if it’s been made from steel so thin, you could read through it. And the seats, finished in pleblon, are designed specifically, it seems, to ruin your skeleton. This is hairy-shirted eco-ism at its very worst.”
Every paragraph is quotable, so you should read the whole enchilada. This is the pain eco-tards want us all to feel.
Another Clarkson classic.
Yes, this is the future of Obamanation Government Motors.
Sure, the swastika’s around the ‘wrong‘ way but you get the vibe, right? My favourite is a pic I have back home of a gate to a house in Nepal. The four sections of the gate go swastika, star of David, star of David, swastika.
Actually, no. Incidents such as this should be taken very seriously. Err, maybe. Crazy and horrifying? Watch the video. You can hear passengers laughing, the doors are open barely a metre… hmm, not another sensationalist media beat up, surely not!
SkyTrain passengers had a wild ride Saturday when their train left New Westminster station with its doors still open.
Alarmed passengers huddled away from three sets of open doors, through which cars could be seen below on Stewardson Way as the train sped to 22nd Street station.
One passenger posted a camera phone video on YouTube and others described the incident as “crazy” and “horrifying.”
Check out the way horrifying and crazy video!
However, this is the bit that really caught my eye.
Vancouver has struggled with an extremely cold winter — even by Canadian standards — and the public transport network has been brought close to breaking point by frozen rivers, snowbound roads and frozen train track switches.
I believe this is a truly inspired idea. Gov. Palin ran as an anti-corruption outsider, and handily defeated a corrupt and entrenched Republican political machine. Plus, at 44, she would almost totally wipe the “age issue” McCain has off the slate, and since Obama is only two years her senior, there is no way they could attack her for her youth and inexperience: She has much more executive experience than Senator Obama has.
Not to mention the fact that, she’s a gorgeous woman who exudes mass quantities of charisma…
and has a super-solid family life.
Dibs on the eldest daughter! LOL!
This inspired choice would allow McCain to actually capitalize on his “maverick” persona, as Gov. Palin shook Alaska politics to the core: She’s a charming, charismatic woman, but she can also play with the big boys and kick ass.
UPDATE II: Welcome to all 45008000 40,000 in the past few hours (so far!) people visiting us from Google. We’re a fairly opinionated right-wing blog, and you might like to take a look at our “About” page. You might also be interested in our other coverage of Sarah Palin and whether she becomes a prospective Vice President of the United States. You can find this coverage here and here. Personally, I hope she does, but you can feel free to debate the idea in comments below. All first comments are moderated, but unless you either insult or use severe profanity (and I mean severe by my standards, which generally only means the C U Next Tuesday word or the implication that someone has had a rather enjoyable erotic experience with someone who has borne a child), however if you come up with a new one, I may simply delete your comment. I, and all other contributors to this blog are more than fair in what we permit.
UPDATE III: Nayr Drahcir, don’t bother even trying. You will not be published.
UPDATE VI: Funniest observation on the announcement yet: “Put Obama and Palin on a basketball court one on one. Winner takes all!”
UPDATE VII: [spot_the_dog] No, we do not have any pictures of “Sarah Palin + Naked,” nor do we have any of “Sarah Palin + Swimsuit.” In the past 24 hours, there have been 157 separate searches on this site for “Sarah Palin Swimsuit,” and 161 separate searches for “Sarah Palin Naked.” I repeat, we have no bathing suit, swim suit, bikini, or naked pictures of Sarah Palin. What kind of people do you think we are, anyway? 😉
UPDATE VIIa: [spot_the_dog]Ace has noticed a similar search phenomenonon his blog and has a theory…
At a time when the Big Three US auto makers, General Motors, Chrysler and Ford are going hat in hand to ask the powers that be for a $25B bailout, surely not just their CEO’s private jet travel has to stop but much, much more importantly, this too.
“Unbelievably, at its assembly plant in Oklahoma City, GM is actually obliged by its UAW contract to pay 2,300 workers full salary and benefits for doing absolutely nothing. As The New York Times describes it, “Each day, workers report for duty at the plant and pass their time reading, watching television, playing dominoes or chatting. Since G.M. shut down production there last month, these workers have entered the Jobs Bank, industry’s best form of job insurance. It pays idled workers a full salary and benefits even when there is no work for them to do.”
I was reading an article in an internal insurance publication today regarding an accident involving a car and a motorcycle.
The differences in the claim forms were amazing; a lot of omissions on both sides. What astounded me however was the letter that was sent by the motorcyle rider to the insurance company.
As I can’t bring the document out of the office I can only summarise what it said for you, and here it is.
“People who drive cars need to take more notice of us motorcycle riders. We dont have a cage around us to protect us in an accident. We (motorcyclists) dont cause accidents but we always end up more injured than the drivers of the cars that hit us.”
I’m sorry, but it’s their decision to ride a motorcycle. I made a decision to drive a car because I feel it’s safer.
Anyway the long and the short of it is that after a long investigation it was discovered that the guy on the bike was doing nearly 145kph when the driver of the car put his indicator on to change lanes, checked his mirrors and moved over.
For crying out loud, you have a choice to ride a bike or drive a car (or both) but at the end of the day we all have to obey the road rules, not just car drivers. We share the roads. Be aware and do the right thing and stop blaming everyone else.
The co-pilot of a Heathrow-bound plane was dragged kicking and screaming from the cockpit after suffering a mental breakdown while in control of the flight.
He began yelling and “invoking God” as the Air Canada 767 flew at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic. He was held down by other crew members and a passenger, a member of the Canadian armed forces.
The co-pilot then had restraints fastened to his wrists and ankles and was handcuffed to a seat.
The flight from Toronto made an emergency landing in Shannon and the co-pilot, who had been crying and screaming according to witnesses, was taken off the plane.
He was taken by ambulance to a psychiatric ward where he is being treated for a suspected nervous breakdown.
Gee, to bad sport. Hope you get the proper help and all works out fine for ya’.
OH, this is just one of the reasons I’m not to damn crazy (sorry bloke) about flying. Thankfully, this flight landed safely and the gentleman removed. Seeing a flyer of the plane being carted off strapped down, kinda’ makes my stomach queasy. Anyone see the movie “Airplane”? If not, read the rest…it’s similar to the movie, “Airplane”, only real.
Coming back to what I mentioned about not really being a fan of flying. Had this happened were I aboard this flight, this crazy bastard would have screamed over the plane intercom…”I’m takin” this son-of-a-bitch down, you are all going to hell”.
Specifically related to me, he would have been correct in screaming this shit. I am going straight to hell, I just want it to be on my terms, not some fucking loon’s.
The Tizona Group 
