So it went down like this


Believe it not but I’m pretty connected, and as such was having a chat with Gemma Arterton about what she thinks about Sarah Palin running for president.

Gemma was nude but for an Australian flag wrapped around her lithe bod and a low fat vegan rye bread sandwich in her hand.

But that’s what you get a few minutes after someone like the bingster pulls up to the lights in his Peugot 907, sees her having a giggle with Danica Patrick, and invites her (er, Gemma) for a ride having promised she could pat my pet koala army.

Anyway, believe it or not, knowing I wasn’t playing funny dogs, she just went harpy eagle over her disdain for Michelle Obama. Said she loved the Obama Countdown Clock!

Even though my hand was begging to be a Brazilian Wandering Spider, I figured doing a Steve Urkel just for a bit would get her puffin a lot more in the long run… so long as that weird prick didn’t do some goatse crap or anything like that.

Sure, I’m a bit of an Australian spider, but I needed her to think I was more like Neil fucking Armstrong from the Apollo 11 rather than anything else.

Anyway, managed to swing it, and as it turns out, the liberal Gemma is quite the fan of the idea of “Sarah Palin bikini”.

I guess with a figure like that, and seated next to a Right dork replete in his mankini, one can’t exactly drool-think “donuts”.

Fair enough.

And Gemma thought the same.

Within minutes she was on the phone to Danica Patrick AND Mieke Buchan AND Kristiana Loken, and well folks, I was at the supermarket (and one that still has checkout chicks btw… like IGA) of beautiful women!

And it would have been a beautiful ending right there, but then Ann Coulter called. Whipped me right into line.

Oh, God! The shame!

How could a wholesome Righty even THINK such things?!?!?

Metaphorically, I was bound and gagged.

My lawyers have advised me to repeat: “metaphorically”.

What were you looking for?


What are you looking for?

Recent search terms which have led people to this blog

gemma arterton, australian flag, goatse, ann coulter, australia map, mankini, australia, iga, danica patrick, michelle obama, puffin, army, apollo 11, brazilian wandering spider, steve urkel, sandwich, kristanna loken, peugeot 907, australian spider, mieke buchan, obama countdown clock, koala, dogs, funny dogs, harpy eagle.

All someone needs to do now is compose a post which includes all of those terms, with maybe a “sarah palin nude” &/or “palin bikini” (two close runners-up) thrown in for added sparkle, and we’ll have the dream post everyone’s looking for.

Anyone game?

Who do you like in 08?


This is my first post here at Tizona’s weblog, and I’m grateful for having been asked.  Here’s hoping I don’t embarrass the Sword with my admittedly partisan and subjective blatherings (but, heh, it’s too late now, eh?), especially since I haven’t yet adequately researched all the features WordPress offers.  That’s my usual SOP, though, feet first, so please forgive any newbie mistakes.  I promise to learn. How better to start then, than by vilifying the people who manage to make my news cycle miserable on a regular basis?    Parade magazine has conducted a poll in which readers were asked to rank the most annoying celebrity.  Unsurprisingly, Rosie O’Donnell came in first with 44% of Parade readers’ votes.  AOL conducted a similar poll, and Rosie O won handily at 66% (rather surprising, considering the number of truthers, moonbats, luna-lefties, and assorted other denizens of the Twilight Zone that lurk on AOL), but it doesn’t help that she beat out the likes of Ann Coulter and Paris Hilton (both came in second), and Heather Mills.
She hit back, of course, because nobody disrespects The O’Donnell and gets away with it.  She agreed with the poll that she “might” be most annoying, without acknowledging why people would think so, and then she proceeded to rant against any and all while krill-surfing in her pool.  No doubt in Rosieworld, the readers who voted are probably members of that large segment of America who married their cousins and didn’t get past third grade anyway.
In smaller news, George Clooney won Parade’s “hottest” poll again, with  57% of the vote, with Matthew McConaughey second (27%), and Jake Gyllenhall third (10%).  Jake Gyllenhall?  How can they even tell he’s alive?
Halle Berry is with child.  No mention of a man, but I’m sure there is one.  Small tidbit:  she recently came out as a sufferer of Type I diabetes, the kind that usually strikes in childhood, although she didn’t know until adulthood.  That’s a subject I follow closely, so best wishes to her on that score.
There’s other tabloid news of course, so enjoy.  I generally don’t, because these are people I don’t even want to think about unless they’re appearing in a well-written, engaging movie or TV show that isn’t busy bashing America.  But I promised Tiz a subject, and this is it.
You will have to google the relevant links because I haven’t figured out how to link the ones I want and not link the ones I don’t want.  Sorry.
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