So it went down like this

Believe it not but I’m pretty connected, and as such was having a chat with Gemma Arterton about what she thinks about Sarah Palin running for president.

Gemma was nude but for an Australian flag wrapped around her lithe bod and a low fat vegan rye bread sandwich in her hand.

But that’s what you get a few minutes after someone like the bingster pulls up to the lights in his Peugot 907, sees her having a giggle with Danica Patrick, and invites her (er, Gemma) for a ride having promised she could pat my pet koala army.

Anyway, believe it or not, knowing I wasn’t playing funny dogs, she just went harpy eagle over her disdain for Michelle Obama. Said she loved the Obama Countdown Clock!

Even though my hand was begging to be a Brazilian Wandering Spider, I figured doing a Steve Urkel just for a bit would get her puffin a lot more in the long run… so long as that weird prick didn’t do some goatse crap or anything like that.

Sure, I’m a bit of an Australian spider, but I needed her to think I was more like Neil fucking Armstrong from the Apollo 11 rather than anything else.

Anyway, managed to swing it, and as it turns out, the liberal Gemma is quite the fan of the idea of “Sarah Palin bikini”.

I guess with a figure like that, and seated next to a Right dork replete in his mankini, one can’t exactly drool-think “donuts”.

Fair enough.

And Gemma thought the same.

Within minutes she was on the phone to Danica Patrick AND Mieke Buchan AND Kristiana Loken, and well folks, I was at the supermarket (and one that still has checkout chicks btw… like IGA) of beautiful women!

And it would have been a beautiful ending right there, but then Ann Coulter called. Whipped me right into line.

Oh, God! The shame!

How could a wholesome Righty even THINK such things?!?!?

Metaphorically, I was bound and gagged.

My lawyers have advised me to repeat: “metaphorically”.

What were you looking for?

Recent search terms which have led people to this blog

gemma arterton, australian flag, goatse, ann coulter, australia map, mankini, australia, iga, danica patrick, michelle obama, puffin, army, apollo 11, brazilian wandering spider, steve urkel, sandwich, kristanna loken, peugeot 907, australian spider, mieke buchan, obama countdown clock, koala, dogs, funny dogs, harpy eagle.

All someone needs to do now is compose a post which includes all of those terms, with maybe a “sarah palin nude” &/or “palin bikini” (two close runners-up) thrown in for added sparkle, and we’ll have the dream post everyone’s looking for.

Anyone game?

IMPORTANT warning regarding small children & dogs

Received this via email from our own Wizard of Woz, and thought it important enough to share immediately.

IMPORTANT

If you are an owner of a dog that belongs to a ‘dangerous breed’ category and you also have a small child please take this as a warning. Don’t leave your dog with the child unattended under any circumstances!!!

Only a little moment was enough for the following to happen. See the photo attached   ….

(I have put the photo below the fold so as to not upset our more sensitive readers)

…

…

It’s ‘Dog in a Ute’ weekend in Western Australia

Time to throw your favourite dog in the back of your favourite ute and head down to Corrigin.

For the uninitiated, an event history from the official Dog in a Ute website:

This event has created a friendly rivalry between Western Australia and Victoria where the event was first held in 1997 at St Arnaud. The first record set at 214 Dogs in Utes. The record was then broken in May 1998 at Terang, Victoria in an event that was organized by the Southwestern District Apex clubs. This event managed to attract 325 Dogs in Utes. It was at this time that local Corrigin Apex President, Mr Bob Cooper had a brainwave and decided that Corrigin should have a ‘crack at it’. He came back from the National Apex Convention in Victoria and put it to the local Corrigin Apex members, who took on the idea with great enthusiasm.

Within three months, and with countless hours of dedication from many groups and volunteers, Corrigin held its first Dog in a Ute Queue event on the 31st October 1998 successfully breaking the World Record by attracting 699 Dogs in Utes from places far and wide.
With an estimated total of 3000 people on the day and raising $20,000 for the Royal Flying Doctors Service, Corrigin was rejoicing its fine effort and sent the challenge back to Victoria.

Three more unsuccessful Record Breaking attempts in Victoria then followed until 2000 when the Southwestern District Apex Clubs once again took on the challenge in Warnambool, coming out victorious with the new World Record of 797.

Fast forward to 13th April 2002 – a day that will be remembered by many, as the day that Corrigin smashed the World Record of Dogs in a Ute with 1527.
More than 4000 visitors and locals alike banded together and enjoyed the camaraderie, food, beverages and live entertainment. It was a day where there was not one altercation or complaint despite the huge number of people attending. A day when rural Australia ruled supreme and everything else seemed insignificant.

Over $60,000 was raised on the day and has been donated to the RFDS and local Community Emergency Services.

Since this day, as far as we know, no other town has been able to break the record.

.

Official Dog in a Ute web site here.

.

See? Western Australia is SO not dull.

.

And, if you can’t make it, think about dropping a few bucks the Royal Flying Doctors‘ way anyway — Here’s the RFDS gift shop. And, find out more about APEX Australia here.

You know what in the HELL, is going on in the rest of the World, sooo…

….Here’s An ASSHOLE or ASSHOLETTE you can mull over. (I did not watch the Vid Clip) I report ( after Breitbart. YEA, SO?) YOU decide.

Sick Bastard Story @ Breitbart