Lawyers Aren’t Always Bad

Years ago, in a house far, far away, I was undergoing a course which involved a module to do with the “Law of Evidence”, which involved learning about what types of evidence is acceptable in Courts in Victoria. We did an in-depth study of the case of Leith Ratten, a man from the very far North of Victoria who was convicted of shooting his eight-month-pregnant wife, causing her death.

Now, Leith Ratten may or may not have been guilty, because I’m certainly not convinced “beyond reasonable doubt”, and we all know what that means. Leith Ratten was apparently turning from facing left to facing right while holding a loaded rifle, and he was blind in his right eye. So yes, it could have been intentional, and it could have been an accident. And when he rang the Echuca telephone exchange (who were, and are now, in charge of connecting all phone calls) he said either “Police!” or an unheard (“Ambulance”) “Please!” Again, reasonable doubt springs up.

Add to it that Ratten was having an affair with a married woman at the time. Reasonable doubt all around, either way. Read the rest of this entry »

Proof Positive that Lawyers are Amoral Shit, Spat out of Hell

I dare you – I fucking dare you – to read this, and come to any conclusion other than that Shakespeare was right when he said, through his surrogate character, “Dick the Butcher” in Henry VI part 2, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” No utopia is possible so long as a single lawyer sucks air.

“This is a story about an innocent man who has been in prison for 26 years while two attorneys who knew he was innocent stayed silent. They did so because they felt they had no choice.”

Think about that! These two shysters knew an innocent man was rotting his life away in fucking prison and they stayed silent about it.

“Now new evidence reveals that Logan did not commit that murder. But as correspondent Bob Simon reports, the evidence was not new to those two attorneys, who knew it all along but say they couldn’t speak out until now.”

Couldn’t speak out? NO!!! WOULDN’T speak out: They willed not to speak, they were not prevented from doing so. Sub-human bastards.

“Attorneys Dale Coventry and Jamie Kunz knew Logan had good reason to think that, because they knew he was innocent. And they knew that because their client, Andrew Wilson, who they were defending for killing two policemen, confessed to them that he had also killed the security guard at McDonald’s – the crime Logan was charged with committing.”

Is that clear enough? These two scum-sucking, maggot-out-of-hell shysters knew this man didn’t commit the crime, and they also knew exactly who did. So what did they do? They let the poor guy spend half of his life in prison. How, ex-fucking-zactly is that not pure, unmitigated evil? It is, in thought, word, and deed, evil, which is my point: Lawyers are intrinsically evil slime who ought to be treated as the second-class scum that they, in fact, are. If it was up to me, they would all have a scarlet “L” tattooed on their foreheads so they could be instantly recognized for the losers that they are.

Get ready – brace for it – here it comes: A shyster thoroughly indoctrinated and brainwashed by the relativistic shit-sea that is wrongly-so-called a “law school” explains:

“Well, the vast majority of the public apparently believes that, but if you check with attorneys or ethics committees or you know anybody who knows the rules of conduct for attorneys, it’s very, very clear-it’s not morally clear-but we’re in a position to where we have to maintain client confidentiality, just as a priest would or a doctor would. It’s just a requirement of the law. The system wouldn’t work without it,” Coventry explained.”

Get the kicker there: ” – it’s not morally clear – “?

What. the. fucking. FUCK?!?!?! I guess I’m just a simple musical genius, but that situation is perfectly morally clear to me: You tell the judge, you lose your job, and you go on to do something that doesn’t involve ripping people off and fucking them in the ass! The innocent man goes free, and you end up happier all around in the long run, and you might not end up in hell with every other shyster who ever wasted a lifetime turning perfectly good oxygen into carbon dioxide, perfectly good water into piss, and perfectly good food into shit.

That’s right, these stinking yeast-infected gashes weren’t risking jail or anything, they would have just lost their miserable, dishonorable jobs. So, to save their positions in the least honorable profession mankind has ever developed or even conceived of… they let an innocent man rot in prison. Any crack whore would have made a more honorable choice.

And, we let these evil piles of relativistic excrement make the law and judge the law: How is that not insane? Shysters should be limited to the adversarial part of the process, where their evil is actually necessary. No lawyer is qualified to be a judge or legislator due to their inherant evil, never mind the conflicts of interest.

If you took as a strategy the, “kill them all and let God sort them out” tactic with lawyers, God would have exactly no work to do. Lawyers are the very lowest of all human forms of life. At least pathological criminals have a pathology to explain their behavior; lawyers are just plain evil.

I hope the Lord has long, slow, lingering, miserable deaths in store for these two abject fucks.


Two Things Of Note

A 51-year-old man has been caught in Southern Thailand with 60 condoms full of hashish in his stomach, and was caught because three of them burst. If Thailand has the death penalty, don’t be surprised if Kev weighs in and tries to help out.


Queensland mining town Mt Isa is looking like it could be for some very rough action with lead poisoning having been detected in the town’s children. One of the mothers is taking legal action, with the assistance of the firm of ambulance-chasers Slater & Gordon, the firm of which Julia Gillard used to be a partner. The licenses for the mines were awarded to the companies by the government of Sir Joh Bjelke-Peterson, which will become a matter of much import if there’s much more action on this.

Crawling Commando-Style Through The Internet

TimT, the only blogger who Will Type For Food, plays the Out of Context Game.

Surprise, surprise, the Clintons are loaded. Quell jealousy, but at the end of the day, they still have to put up with each other.

Michelle Malkin looks at the notion of taxing plastic and paper bags.

Gateway Pundit reports on a rather hilarious event at a Hillary campaign event.


Pregnant man transsexual fears that people will attempt to kill his baby. There’s only one group of people I know of who are sick enough to harm a baby…

What the hell is a “low emission paint”.

The neverending struggle between Good and Evil continues. Angus will really like this.

Bob Ellis gets mocked.

And finally,



Detroit Mayor Charged With Perjury…

Kym L. Worthy

Wayne County Prosecuting Attorney
DETROIT (AP) – Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, a one-time rising star and Detroit’s youngest elected leader, was charged Monday with perjury and other counts after sexually explicit text messages contradicted his sworn denials of an affair with a top aide.Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy also charged the popular yet polarizing 37-year-old mayor with obstruction of justice and misconduct in office.


Gosh, Mr Mounds, Rev. Wright, Michelle Obama….Look, it’s Eliot Spitzer…Well, kinda. Of course, when YOU three stop to look at it…this is just another ‘whitebread’ entrapment, right?


Ms. Worthy, you have my greatest respect. Now, prove your case, to “we the people”, in your county.

Make sure it is a FAIR jury…not one of the “purchased” juries.

The First Thing We Do…

~The Beef of God strolls into His pasture and lows~

God has a Beef with Lawyers.

begin rant/


Above is The Beef of God’s favorite coffee mug. I have a matching t-shirt too (two, actually) and on any day I wear it, at least a half-dozen people come up to me and say something like, “That’s GREAT! Where can I get one?!” I’ve never had even one say anything along the lines of, “That’s idiotic,” and I’ve had those t-shirts for almost ten years.

You wouldn’t believe the stories of woe at the hands of lawyers that I hear – well, perhaps you would. My favorite head-shakers are from divorced men with children who have been financially gutted by their ex-wives, who, 1) Cheated on them, 2) Divorced them, 3) Took custody of their children, and then, 4) Basically had the American “legal” system steal almost all of their assets. There probably isn’t any greater injustice than the way men are treated in divorce situations in this country, unless you take a look at our insane drug laws, of course.

I learned everything I needed to know about the American legal system when I was twelve years old. I was the sole witness to a hit-and-run incident involving one neighbor in her car and another neighbor’s dog. The neighbor in the car was a notorious old crone who drove a bulbous, black and yellow fifties-era Ford – there was nothing else even remotely like it in my neighborhood – so there was no mistaking who the driver was. The collie was not killed, but her shoulder and leg were broken, and the veterinary bills were quite high. So, there was a lawsuit, and yours truly – then a mere calf – was the witness.

When I was on the witness stand, the defence lawyer hammered and hammered me, and the lawyer-judge allowed him to, even though the plaitiff’s lawyer objected several times. I didn’t cry – I was far to filled with Angus Anger to cry – but it was the first time in my life that I felt real and genuine righteous rage. My ears began to ring, my peripheral vision narrowed, and I really and truly did see red.

The defence lawyer argued that since my view of the incident was with the automobile quartering away, and the impact would have been on the opposite side of the car, I couldn’t possibly have seen the dog get hit. Believe it, or not, the lawyer-judge actually bought this line of complete and utter horse-shit.

As a proud Calf Scout ought to do, I did my civic duty, told the truth, and yet justice was not done. To add insult to injury, I was abused in the process.

This. is. fact. Unlike probably 50% of the shit-decisions that come out of our courts today.

In the perfect clarity of my twelve year old mind, I said to myself, “These are bad men.” Bad men to me back then – this was 1970 – were the kind of sum-sucking maggots out of hell that John Wayne would have shot on sight, but not before telling them that they were scum-sucking maggots out of hell.

That lawyer and lawyer-judge were both very fortunate that my father – a fairly high ranking military officer by that time – was there that day, because my mother had 110% of her Irish up, and she was prepared to do them both grievious bodily harm. All five feet and one inch of her.

I hated every lawyer I met for decades afterward – my mom still hates ’em – and I told them so. “You’re a lawyer? Well then, you’re shit as a human being.” (I said that to a guy who butted in line ahead of me at an airline ticket counter one day, because – as he explained – he was a lawyer, and too important and in a hurry to wait in line like the rest of us second class citizens).

Fortunately, I have met some lawyers who are genuinely decent people over the recent years, so my views have moderated somewhat – but not too much – and today, incredibly, my closest friend is a lawyer. However, she’s not among what I call the “courtroom curs” as she makes her living basically protecting people from the predations of that type of filth.

Then, the internet has helped too: I think people like Glenn Reynolds and the Power Line guys are pretty cool lawyers (Wouldn’t “Shyster Line” be a GREAT name for an anti-lawyer blog!), but they have their own ignorant streaks and blind spots – sometimes I think law school must make Marine Book Camp look like a Cub Scout meeting in the indoctrination department – but then, don’t we all have our dysfunctional aspects.

So, I don’t hate all lawyers – just most of them – and I don’t think we should kill them all – we may not even have to kill (m)any of them ~bull-snort~ – but it may be time for us to stockpile a few thousand barrels of tar, a few metric tons of feathers, and a couple million rails to run a most them out of town on.

The US has the highest documented incarceration rate in the world – that’s right, in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, a higher percentage of people are imprisoned than in any other country in the world – and half of all prisoners are imprisoned for non-violent offenses. Read this Wikipedia article from top to bottom and tell me we don’t have a problem with runaway lawyers and idiotic laws in this country.

People have detested lawyers since long before Shakespeare’s time, and for good reason: Law is the second oldest profession behind prostitution. At least with a good whore you get an orgasm out of the deal, but lawyers don’t even bring K-Y, much less do you the courtesy of a reach-around.

For us Westerners, the problem with lawyers goes back to the beginning of our Judeo-Christian culture. If you want to make Old Testament reading a bit more enlightening on this matter, every time you encounter the word “scribe” substitute “lawyer” for it.

SCRIBE noun 2 (also Scribe) Judaism; an ancient Jewish record-keeper, or later, a professional theologian and jurist. Mac Dictionary

See why this will help? Scribes are the exact antecedents of today’s lawyers and judges.

Let me give you my favorite example:

Jeremiah 8:8 “How can you say, “We are wise, and the law of the Lord is with us”? But, behold, the false pen of the LAWYERS has made it into a lie.” RSV

If you really want to get the full impact, however, you should substitute the word “shyster” for “scribe.” This may be the only time you ever read the Old Testament and laugh out loud. I do, anyway.

SHY-STER n. Slang An unethical or unscrupulous lawyer or politician. [Perh. Scheuster, an unscrupulous 19th-cent. lawyer.] American Heritage Dictionary

BTW: There is nothing particularly anti-Semitic about the term shyster. I’ve been calling amoral, self-centered lawyers shysters since I first learned the word in 1970. Nobody ever accused me of being anti-Semitic for deploying the term until after the Will Smith movie Enemy of the State came out. Besides, a former Jewish GF of mine would probably sock anyone who called me an anti-Semite. So, anyone who says the term shyster is anti-Semitic is full of horse-shit and has watched the movie Enemy of the State one too many times (Once would be too many times).

Here’s the further revised version:

Jeremiah 8:8 “How can you say, “We are wise, and the law of the Lord is with us”? But, behold, the false pen of the SHYSTERS has made it into a lie.” RSV

In other words, these lying shit-sacks have been around since the dawn of recorded history, and they fuck up everything they touch.

If you really understand what Jeremiah said, it is obvious that the position of many Jewish sects and Christian denominations – that The Torah/Bible is the inerrant Word of God – is ridiculous. Fact is, both of these documents are positively brimming with lies introduced by scribes/lawyers/shysters. To believe that every word in the Bible is true not only requires the willful suspension of disbelief, it also requires total ignorance of basic, fundamental, fallen human nature. Reading the Bible is like the reverse of the X-Files credo, “The Truth is Out There.” In this case, “The Truth is IN There,” there’s just a lot of shysteristic horse-shit to muck through.

Previously, Jeremiah said:

Jeremiah 7:21-23 “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: “Add your burnt offerings to your sacrifices and eat the flesh. [It’s hard to get the full impact of this insult for us moderns, but it would be something like having a bag-lady walk into a Catholic Church and shout, “God tells you Priests to shove those Communion Wafers up your asses and then give yourselves an enema with the Communion Wine!” – Beef] For in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, I did not speak to your fathers or command them concerning burnt offerings and sacrifices. But this command I gave them, ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people; and walk in the way that I commanded you, that it may be well with you.’…” RSV

The commands that God gave the Israelites are the ones we all know (Or, ought to know):

Exodus 20:2 “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 3 “You shall have no other gods before me. 4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. 7 “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. 8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. 12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 13 “You shall not murder. 14 “You shall not commit adultery. 15 “You shall not steal. 16 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. 17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” NIV

This is all the Israelites needed, but the priests (Who developed thoroughly shysterized minds) and scribes/lawyers/shysters built up this huge legalistic system with sacrifices and offerings and just tons of other irrelevant horse-shit. This is just the nature of the beast: Make an arcane system out of something simple. That’s what lawyers do.

If you analyze the commands of God, they are like a top-down – or God’s-eye – view of the metaphorical Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The final fruit of all sin is godlessness, and the root of all sin is covetousness: Desiring something that God gave to another. God gives what He gives to whom He will, and it’s none of your damned business what He gives, or to whom He gives it. His motivations are beyond questioning or understanding, so fuck the fuck off. M-kay? Covetousness/envy/jealousy leads to every other sin on the list.

When The Lamb of God appeared, His mission was to fulfill every “jot and tittle” of this hyper-legalistic insanity – which He did – and then he was executed: Not by the Jews, not by the Romans, BUT BY THE ERRANT LAW OF MAN – A ridiculous and unjust system created by scribes/lawyers/shysters out of whole cloth.

The Lamb of God reduced the above commands of God to one simple rule, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you love your neighbor as you love yourself, you won’t kill him, you won’t beat him up, you won’t seduce his wife, you won’t fuck his daughter, you won’t steal from him, you won’t let your dog shit in his yard, and you won’t envy him for anything God gave him that you didn’t get.

Shysters, however, are the human embodiment of covetousness. They first of all desire money, and the love of money is the root of all evil, of course (Not money itself – one can do a lot of good with money – but the LOVE of money: Coveting money). And, there is nobody’s money a shyster covets more than YOURS. Then, shysters are envious of anyone’s and everyone’s God-given freedoms and God-given possessions, so they concoct “laws” – laws that are nothing more than rules – to infringe upon these God-given freedoms, and make money when there is an infraction. People who violate these unjust and ungodly rules have their God-given freedoms and/or their God-given property taken away from them. All the while, the shysters are making money hand over fist.

Let’s get this straight: Only God can make law, and He’s made all of it that there’s ever going to be, and I listed EVERY LAST BIT OF IT above. The idea that man can make law is the ultimate shysteristic conceit, and it is an affront to God. We don’t live under “The Rule of Law,” we suffer under “The Yoke of Rules.” When the Lamb of God said, “My yoke is easy, My burden is light,” this is what he was talking about. Shysters exist almost solely to whip us when we break the rules, and steal our property for their profit. Obviously, it has been this way from the beginning of recorded history.

Of course, the shysterized mind didn’t vanish after The Lamb of God either. The pure early Followers of The Way were invaded by this abomination as well, and they basically rebuilt the burdensome Israelite legalist monstrosity – yet another Tower of Babel – within the Catholic Church and it’s Protestant spin-offs; sans the animal sacrifices, but still with just tons of legalistic and ritualistic horse-shit.

~The Beef of God snorts, paws the ground, and charges~

If I could change anything I wanted about America, these would be the first two items on my list:

1] Nobody with a law degree – whether they have ever passed a Bar Exam or not – would be eligible to run for office in any legislative body.

Lawyers making law is an obvious conflict of interest, and this is what has lead our country into ruin. Lawyers make law to benefit lawyers, not the real citizens of the country.

That’s why health care is so expensive: The law lets ambulance-chasing shysters like John Edwards become mega-multi-millionaires by suing medical doctors, so malpractice insurance is prohibitively expensive. You want affordable health care? Reform the tort laws to prevent these shysteristic abuses. The tort laws will NEVER be reformed until we kick the shyster-politicians out of Congress, because those tort laws benefit their shyster butt-buddies in private practice.

Income tax is the institutionalization of shysteristic covetousness. There is one entity – and one entity only – who has any right to a percentage of what God blesses a man with, and that entity is God Himself. He asks that you give a 10% tithe – basically, to the charity of your choice – and He doesn’t throw you into prison if you don’t. He just won’t bless you as much: Count on it. Since shysters love nothing more than other people’s money, they invented and rationalized this immoral tax scheme.

The only thing any government can legitimately tax are transactions. The infrastructure needs to be maintained, the military needs to be funded, &c. Income tax is immoral. This is a fact.

The same holds true for our insane prohibition-era-flashback drug laws: There will NEVER be any sense applied to them so long as shyster-politicians are making the laws, because drug laws are the biggest bonanza of all for shysters and shyster-judges, which leads me to…

2] Nobody with a law degree – whether they have ever passed a Bar Exam or not – would be eligible to sit on any bench as a judge.

Lawyers judging law is another obvious conflict of interest, and this is another factor in the ruination of America. No lawyer-judge is ever likely to make a decision that would adversely affect the legal profession, because if he did, then all of his pillow-biting, popsicle-boy shyster pals wouldn’t invite him to their Sound of Music parties anymore.

Want to get rid of activist judges who legislate from the bench and make outrageous decisions? Get the shysters the hell out of the chambers then. That won’t be a panacea, but it will certainly help.

Every courtroom in America has all of the appearances of a racket: Lawyers make the law, lawyers prosecute the law, lawyers defend from the law, and lawyers judge the law. It’s obviously at the very least an illegal monopoly, and it is exactly organized crime much of the time. If the RICO laws were turned back on the American courts, I have no doubt but that about 25% of all lawyers would end up in prison where I believe they belong, which leads us to…

The First Law of Angodynamics:

The liberties enjoyed by any society are inversely proportional to the percentage of lawyers and police in the population.

Lawyers don’t create anything, lawyers don’t produce anything, and whatever benefit lawyers provide comes at the expense of us all, and at the expense of the economy. Comparing them to leaches is an exactly precise and perfect analogy: They suck the life blood out of us and our economy. Lawyers are worse than a zero sum game, they are an infinite suck game. They are a necessary evil, but they are an evil nonetheless, so their numbers should be kept to an absolute minimum, and their influence must be positively marginalized. That’s never going to happen as long as we allow them to be legislators and judges.

I am sick and fucking tired of being sick and fucking tired of the Shysterization of America.

~The Beef of God lays down under His tree, and resumes chewing his cud~

/end rant

Q: “What do you call a lawyer with a 75 IQ?”

A: “Your Honor.”

The Beef of God knows a lawyer wrote that joke, because the most obvious answer is, “Smart.”

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