Will TSSA parody become illegal?

The other day I was perusing Ye Olde Journalist (a fine blog to which I am a contributor) and came across this item. It seems that the tools from TSSA (two S’s, because you can’t spell Schutzstaffel without the second S) take umbrage with the near constant abuse they have to endure at the hands of those they serve grope. H.R. 3011 would criminalize ANY unauthorized use of the TSSA name, logos, and such. It makes no distinction between use of said items in an attempt to falsely pass as a TSSA agent and the use of said items for parody purposes, such as the pictures contained in this post (click on image to display full size).

It seems to me that the TSSA is being rather thin-skinned and petty.This is, of course, exactly the kind of reaction one would expect from a federal agency with TSSA’s reputation.

If the TSSA wishes to make use of its names and logos illegal, then by all means we have to get as much out there as we can before it becomes a crime.

The following soon-to-be-illegal uses of the TSSA name are courtesy of about.com.

“Have you heard the TSA’s new slogan? ‘We handle more junk than eBay.'” -Jay Leno

“TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” –David Letterman

“This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle’s house.” -Seth Meyers

“Now, to make it worse, the airlines are charging a $15 molestation fee.” –Jay Leno

“I get more action going through airline security than I did all through high school.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Okay, you get the picture. No need to belabor the issue any further.

There is no excuse for the excesses of TSSA. Having only recently returned from a trip via flying bus to Arizona to see my parents and brother, I can tell you that being herded about like cattle, stripped of your dignity, and either junk scanned or gate raped by a civil servant, is NOT what our founding fathers had in mind. The next time some tool tries to tell you that the terrorists hate us for our freedoms, take them to the airport and show them what totalitarianism looks like.

Just don’t abuse the TSSA name or logo while you’re at it.

Weiner Pulls Out

It’s the end of an error. Weiner’s out.

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Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) will resign from his seat in Congress, heeding calls from President Barack Obama, House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and dozens of other congressional Democrats, sources confirm to POLITICO. The resignation ends nearly three weeks of tumultuous political controversy since the New York congressman sent a lewd picture of himself over Twitter which he claimed at first was a result of a hack, and later admitted he had sent himself.

Weiner is expected to make his resignation official in a statement to the press at a senior center in Brooklyn at 2 pm.

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Weiner pulled out at senior center? Think of the poor old women!

The schadenfreude has been beyond blissful. A creepy libtard is caught flashing his namesake. Caught lying about it. Accused of asking a former prØn star to lie for him.

There’s the name. The jokes. The throngs laughing in his face.

Good bye, Weiner. At Tizona, we prefer Bush.

Congressman(‘s) Weiner

Some guys just never learn. Sean Salisbury. Brett Favre. And now aptly-named Congress-critter Anthony “wanna see my” Weiner.

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Our debt ceiling is yet to be raised as the healthcare debate looms large, yet the most important political news of the moment revolves around a Brooklyn representative’s penis.

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As Weiner himself noted, “The jokes write themselves.”

I thought Weiner was a little stiff at his news converence.

What’s the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? About 6 inches.

An inch more he’d be a king; an inch less he’d be a queen.

The police investigated whether a penis picture was displayed. The case was thrown out due to lack of evidence.

(Insert the “wiener” joke of your choice here)

Self Defence: Are You a Democrat or a Republican?

Are you a Democrat or a Republican?  Here’s a little test to help you decide:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.  Suddenly, a man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.  You are carrying a Glock .40 cal, and you are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!  Does the man look poor?  Or oppressed?  Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?  Could we run away?  What does my wife think?  What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?  What does the law say about this situation?  Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?  Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?  Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?  If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?  Should I call 9-1-1?  Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!  I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican’s Answer

BANG! BANG!

Extra Credit: Southern Republican’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click…..(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips or Federal Hydra-Shoks?”

via Paco in comments here

UPDATE:  A typical rational Australian Lefty replies –

Children writing about the ocean: Courtesy, a friend.

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 )
2. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6 )
3. If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7 )
4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6 )
5. A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8 )
6. My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6 )
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7 )
8. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6 )
9. I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6 )
10. Some fish are dangerous.. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7 )
11. When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6 )
12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8 )
13. On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7 )
14. The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6 )
15. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7 )

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race come about?” Courtesy, a friend.

The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children; and so all mankind was made.”

Two days later she asks her father the same question.

Her father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God, and Dad says we developed from monkeys?”

The mother answers, “Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.”

After a short stay in the USA , Michaelangelo’s David returned to Europe. Courtesy a friend..

UPDATE (Angus Dei): After a brief stint on the new Celebrity McDonald’s Diet, David was back to form.

A Little Johnnie Joke…

Little Johnnie’s neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, ‘What a beautiful baby.’
The mother said, ‘Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.’
Johnnie said, ‘He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?’

‘Yes’, the mother replied, ‘we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.’

‘That’s great’, said Little Johnnie,’coz he’d be fucked if he needed glasses.’

Bolta For Parliament?

I’m quite intrigued by this.

If Andrew Bolt’s running for Parliament, I better move down to the seat of Higgins, because let’s face it, we need men (or women) like him in Parliament, representing the views of a fair few people and helping to re-energise the Liberal Party with fresh blood.

Andrew Bolt would certainly be a great asset to the Liberals, for a few reasons:

• He’s got a good head on his shoulders;
• He represents a view that has been lost to the Liberals over the past 4 years;
• He keeps himself informed;
• He has pretty good research skills;
• He doesn’t swallow bullshit easily;
• He has a high public profile: “Love him or hate him, you all know him”;
• He has a good sense of humour;
• He has media contacts; and
• He can speak WeaselTalk.

And if this is an April Fool’s Day joke, it’s a bloody good one!

Children Are So Helpful

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded, “It’s my wash cloth.”

Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked, “What happened to your wash cloth?”

The mother responded, “I lost it.”

The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother’s washcloth.

A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, “I found your washcloth.”

The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, “Where did you find it?”

The boy answered, “The maid has it! She is washing daddy’s face with it.”

tis definitely time for levity.. much too serious at this party

At dawn the telephone rings, “Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.” “Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?” “Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead” “My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?” “Si, Senor, that’s the one.” “Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?” “From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.” “Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?” “Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.” “Dead horse? What dead horse?” “The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.” “My prize thoroughbred is dead?” “Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.” “Are you insane?? What water cart?” “The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.” “Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??” “The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.” “What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!” “Yes, Senor Rod.” “But there’s electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?” “For the funeral, Senor Rod.” “WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!” “Your wife’s, Senor Rod”, she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new tailor made Super Quad 460 golf club.” SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . . LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . “Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep shit!!”

I Wonder How Many Moonbats…

…will go away believing this:

In America just 100 people have 93% of all the wealth, the rest are all virtual serfs to them working for an average $2.56 an hour, 18 hours a day. 80 million Americans live in cardboard boxes on the street. Only 647 Americans can afford health care.

68% of Americans with homes are about to be chucked out due to the mortgage crisis, and Dick Cheney is going to personally drown all of their kittens and puppies. 25 million Americans either starve to death or freeze to death each year, and everyone just laughs at them.

There is no welfare system; poor people are given 1 plastic turkey and a hunk of government warehouse cheese every second Thursday and that’s it.

The Bildenberg group is forcing anyone on less than $100,000/annum to get microchips, and is fingerprinting and DNA-testing all black and Latino children for inclusion in a global database.

The airplanes that George HitlerHalliburton McChimpypants crashed into the World Trade Center were full of dissidents who had been incarcerated without trial in gulags in Iowa for not wearing American flag lapel pins.

The US government is forcing black folks to take crack and meth which are deliberately contaminated with syphilis bacteria, the AIDS virus and drugs to sterilise them.

The boarder fence with Mexico and the Coast Guard ships between Florida and Cuba are actually there to keep Americans from escaping.

But don’t tell anyone, m’kay? Very few of us are smart enough to have figured out the troof.

Written by Gordon in Perth at Andrew Bolt‘s blog.

Heh.

PM Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he went into one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

Teacher asked PM if he’d like to lead the discussion on the word “TRAGEDY.” So our illustrious leader from Queensland asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy.’

One little boy stood up and offered “If my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Kevin from Queensland, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”

“No” said PM. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room went silent. No other child volunteered.

Kevin searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?”

Finally, a small boy raised his hand. In a small voice he said, “If the plane carrying you and Ms Gillard was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” cried Kev from Qld. “That’s right! And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” said the boy, “It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be a flamin’ accident either.”

-via Andrew Bolt reader Tess of Brisbane

A Desert Tale

Off in the desert of Afghanistan, a Taliban leader is fleeing from the US soldiers. He’s in the middle of the desert, and is going crazy from thirst. In the distance, he sees something, but doesn’t quite know what it is. When he reaches it, he finds an elderly Jewish man selling fine silk ties.

The Taliban fuckhead asks the man “Do you have any water? I’m very thirsty!”, to which the elderly man answers “No, I do not. I only have ties to sell. Would you like one? They are only $50.” The Taliban fuckhead looks at the elderly man and says “I don’t need a tie. I need water!” The elderly man looks somewhat thoughtful and says “I know you don’t like me and would much rather I was dead, but after a two hour walk that way, you should come across a restaurant, with the finest water, sparkling and cool.”

The Taliban fuckhead starts walking. Four hours later he returns and says, with a glare to the Jewish man, “Your infidel brother won’t let me in without a tie!”